desire

2011-10-15T09:48:00.000-07:00

My blog is definitely dead.

But I won't delete it cus' it has so much memories.

2011-07-27T08:24:00.001-07:00

It's definitely time to let a little of my feelings out.

It's been months ago since I wanted you. I want you so bad. Yes, you, boy. When you hugged and kissed me, I smiled a little. I feel great and all of a sudden, I forgot I was upset with what I was facing. You made me happy eventhough you didn't really do anything. It's just that, I think of you all the time. & everytime you came across my mind, I'd smile. But, you suck for giving me the feeling that you're just fooling around with my feelings. Now I feel so fucked up. Like, how could I ever fall for you in the first place?! You make me wait for your text messages that's never gonna come. I expect you to start every little steps. I've been expecting too much from you. You knew how I felt towards you but, you act as if there's nothing. Nothing at all. Even if you don't feel the same way towards me, then stop making me fall for you. You should have just distance yourself. It's not cool how you are fooling around here. Now i'm so sick to have hurt myself over and over again. I cared about you. I missed you. How could I be so blind? How stupid can I be in the first place?! Sick of being your doormat, boy. I can't believe you would do this to me. Now, I would stop trying. Yes boy, I'm done trying. Fuck you for the kisses, though it meant so much to me. Fuck you -.-

Should have just listened to the piece of advice "stay away from him".

2011-07-04T23:45:00.000-07:00

We have been fighting for the past 2 months. You don't seem to appreciate that I have been forgiving every mistakes you made for the past 3 years. You don't seem to be afraid when I told you repeatedly that it'd be your last chance. You haven't been appreciating me. If I were to write every single hurtful things you have done to me, I would go on for days. & so, I have decided we should just go our own way. You still insisted. Like always, you want everything to go your way. So be it. You can have what you want, which is, I will still be around. All because, I am sick and tired of fighting over and over again. To be honest, I'm plain sick of you. Oh yea, congratulations! YOU FUCKING WON THIS FIGHT AGAIN.

Don't be mistaken. I am here in your eyes. But baby, my love ain't for you. So, don't stop me from doing whatever I want. Don't stop me from falling in love with someone else. It's my decision afterall. I am pretending that everything is alright all because I'm sick of fighting and crying. Yea, please be shock that I have totally change. Cus' I totally hate you eversince whatever happened. Don't expect me to respect you when you haven't been respecting me all these while. It's useless treating you nicely (:

Hate you.

2011-05-01T08:50:00.000-07:00

This menses cramp is pissing me off !

2011-04-21T14:13:00.000-07:00

I am a soft-hearted girl and I have lots of patience. Yes I am. But that doesn't mean you can hurt my feelings. Still, there's nothing i've done about it. But that doesn't give you the right to keep on hurting my feelings. For the past three years, do you remember what you have done to me? You've been giving me shit! When you hurt me, I was still around. When you left me, I kept coming back. When I fall, I still crawled back to you. Do you even remember how bad you were? But I swear I don't know why I am still here. You kept making mistakes, & I kept forgiving you. The worst thing someone have ever done to me, was by you. I still stayed. Back then, I was too afraid to lose you. So what I did was to listen to you. It goes on and on. But now, it seems like you are taking over my life. I am not even living my own life. I told you many times how I hate this life. You didn't do anything about it. It simply means, you doesn't care. I cared alot about you. But why won't you do the same for me? Have you ever bother to ask whether I like this kind of life? Let me tell you now, I WISH I COULD STOP BREATHING. I can't take it anymore. My patience that you are testing have gone way beyond the limit. I gave you so many chances to change our way of life. You haven't done anyting about it. You are the reason why my love for you fades away. All you think about is yourself. As long as you're satisfied, things will go your way. Now, you are spying on me. & you have your friends to keep an eye on me. I may not see or know them. Don't be shocked to see what I am doing. I am damn stressed, sick and tired of all these situation you pull me into. It makes me hate you more and more. My feelings for you is gone now. But definitely, there is no way that you are letting me go. So be it! I will pretend everything is alright for as long as you are keeping me. Soon you will realise, that you won't be able to find someone like me. Someone who can stand you and keep standing. You will regret. At the same time, you are asking for it. I deserve a better life.

Now, the person who makes me smile isn't you.

2011-04-19T10:24:00.000-07:00

I am so damn stress. I don't know what to do.

2011-04-12T09:06:00.001-07:00

The second day of orientation was so much better. Although there was alot of wasting time here and there, doing nothing =.=' I participated in the games at field. The weather made me perspired like a fish. Serious shit. I started a conversation with some of my classmates since we didn't get to talk yesterday. The first thing Lily replied to me was, "You Malay?!" ;with a shock look. Goodness! I can't believe she thought I was Chinese. Had a meet-ups with some of the 5Ns. It's really great to meet once in a while (:

2011-04-11T04:51:00.000-07:00

Today's the first day of school in College East & I really hate the whole orientation thingy =.=' Can't wait for proper lessons to start.

2011-04-08T23:33:00.000-07:00

It's Saturday! And it's just a weekend away from first day of school. I would like to admit that I AM SO FUCKING NERVOUS FOR SCHOOL ! I would say that I am lucky to be in the same school with Kamaria again. We're going to school together, just like the old days. But I am sure that we won't be able to go to school together every single day because we will start class on different time. We're in different courses anyway.

I am so happy when I got accepted in Higher Nitec in Beauty & Spa Management. I thank God on behalf of it, for granting my wishes. So I guess, this is where my life would begin.

2011-03-26T08:36:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, I was supposed to go to Bishan ITE to buy my school uniform and stuffs. I didn't go because I'm not interested in Retail Merchandising =.=' I have already decided to re-apply for Higher Nitec in Beauty & Spa Management next year. I did applied and appealed. But, I didn't receive a single letter, call or msg to say whether i'm accepted or not. So, I assumed that i'm not accepted since everyone else have bought their uniform and shits.

& so, I've planned what I want to do for the rest of this year. I've planned to ditch Guardian and ERA Property Agency. It's really tiring to juggle both jobs at the same time. I've sent my Resume to Musee Platinum.. Less than an hour after I've sent my resume, Simei ITE called me to say that i'm accepted. Obviously, I can't make up my mind on the spot! I can't believe it, they're being a total bitch ! Now, all my plans we're crashing down on me. I only knew that i'm going to school, two weeks before school starts.

Hell yeah! I gotta accept this because it's all I ever need at this point of age :D Going to Simei ITE and Sata for some check-up on Monday. Amirah's gonna accompany me. Yay! (:

2011-03-18T00:20:00.000-07:00

I have butterflies in my stomach.
I have butterflies in my stomach.
I have butterflies in my stomach.
I have butterflies in my stomach.
I have butterflies in my stomach.
I have butterflies in my stomach.
I have butterflies in my stomach.
I have butterflies in my stomach.
I have butterflies in my stomach.
I have butterflies in my stomach.

(:

2011-03-16T21:32:00.000-07:00

I haven't been feeling well. I'm not sick, but my heart is broken. This sounds really emotional, but really ): The first reason I should cry about is, boy'f. I'm not sure whether it's me. But everything he does these days, really makes me so fucked up. To the extent that I feel like walking off his pathetic life. I don't know how I could stand him for almost three years. I really don't know how I did that. Maybe we're both sick and tired of each other already. Or, maybe it's just me )':

The second reason I should cry about is:
My ex-boyfriend, I don't know how do I describe him. When I was with him about three years ago, he left me. Without saying goodbye, without knowing the reason why. He just left without a trace. So, i moved on with life because I really believe that I don't have to waste time on someone who don't tresure me. It takes quite some time to move on though. After almost two years, he regrets and tried to find me back. Sadly, I already have a boy'f by then. It's crazy that he told my boy'f that he misses me so much. It's crazy that he made a tattoo of my name after we broke up. It's crazy how he kept calling me back. It's crazy how he begged me to give him a chance. It's crazy that he really proved that he is true. But, it's all too late. Yesterday, he deactivate his Facebook. I can't believe he really did all this. The third reason I should cry about is that, it's really sad to see how he can do better than boy'f.

Bby, I'm not asking you to tell everyone that you miss me. I'm not asking you to make tattoo of me. I'm not asking you to call me every minute. I'm not asking you to show how much you love me. All I ever want from you is, to appreciate me.

2011-03-15T20:23:00.001-07:00

It's a sad morning. I woke up early today and fought with boy'f. Even before I get my ass off my bed, I've started crying. I didn't like how he replied to my messages. I think he is being unfair. The both of us haven't been acting usual these day. Especially me. I'm always frustrated with him. Everything seems wrong. I feel like leaving him, sometimes. It is expected. I've read my horoscope this month. It says, " You will face some fierce competition with your partner." Dammit.

I have a big , huge, gigantic, enourmous crush on ____.

2011-03-14T06:54:00.000-07:00

Hello World! :D
I can't believe I haven't been updating my blog for more than 4 months. I'm trying to get my ass back to cyber world. However, I have deleted my tagged & friendster account. It's no longer needed. I've just created a formspring account. I really think it's fun and interesting. So, anyone can ask me anything that they want to know. But please, no rubbish ah =.='

2010-11-11T19:49:00.000-08:00

The most important thing that I would remind myself is, TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF O'LEVEL. Therefore, today is when life would begin :D Thank God! However, best of luck when results is released.

Last night, I was talking to that someone and uh, something he said makes me mad a little. I am sure i'm not being ego. In fact, I should have actually reacted more vigorously towards the situation. But I didn't. I controlled myself although his words and all hurts my feeling. I hoped he would think back what he have said and put some sense in his head, just a little will do.
P.s. I can see you're not sincere. So, I don't wish you would wait for me any longer. Move on man.

2010-10-22T22:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a farewell ceremony for us, seniors. For the first time this year, going to school is great! I've never loved school and would prefer to leave immediately after school. But yesterday, something happened and made me feel like staying in school. I can't believe that I'm finally gonna graduate. It's sad to leave my fellow beautiful people who usually fucked my life up-side-down.

First O'Level paper is a day more, from today ! Good luck to myself.

2010-10-15T03:34:00.001-07:00

Haven't been updating for soooooooo long =.='

It is supposed to be a school holiday, but there's remedial almost everyday. Why? O'level is just around the corner. I neither have attended most of the classes nor studied. I really can't imagine what would my results be like. I'm definately gonna regret not studying now, and the past years. Shit! I can't help it, there's distractions everywhere! Life's definately a BITCH.

2010-10-08T08:49:00.000-07:00

O'Level's killing me.

2010-04-13T08:38:00.001-07:00

Napha Test is finally over, and I'm damn happy. No one has any idea how I feel now huh? :D After Napha today, played catching with so many people (I can't remember who played). It was very exciting and full of laughters. The cute part was when Hafizah, Sabrina, Amira and me all squeezed under the staircase- under the tables; and that Fatihah, Amalina , Shikin and Shaufiq couldn't find us. Haha!

I'm planning on making a blogshop instead of waiting for fleamarket the whole time. Considering it.

2010-04-12T05:25:00.000-07:00

http://www.facebook.com/sefyna

Please visit facebook for more photos and album.

I haven't had a proper update for ages! I bet no one read my blog anyway. So it doesn't matter afterall. Today, school was pretty fine. I guess. I've got nothing to stayback in school for, so headed home straight away.

I'm done uploading photos to my latest album; on Facebook.

Two days ago, it was my ex-boyfriend's birthday. I should have wished him 'Happy Birthday' in a proper way. I still did wish him though. Good enough uh.

Lastly, I want to make some changes in my life.

2010-03-27T08:04:00.001-07:00

This thing, oh man. I regret..

2010-02-10T03:34:00.000-08:00

Those were the times..

Last night, I had a great fight with my boyfriend. We haven't had a proper fight for so long, actually. Thank God? I shouldn't have define it as great though. I cried hysterically - and so on.. Don't want to think about it anymore.

2010-01-20T02:29:00.000-08:00

My boyfriend is my boyfriend, my husband, me friend, my bestfriend, my enemy, my lover, my son, my daddy and.. my everything. He's the kind of person who would cry properly in my funeral (:

I'm bored and leaving now.

2010-01-15T03:45:00.001-08:00

My day started out moody. I cried, secretly, trying to hide it from the public. It's something about mummy. Well, I tried to smile though. Bby msged me something that makes me pissed off a little. I feel that my life is difficult. A tiny part of me hates him. Sadly, it's just a little (around the knees). The rest of me love him. My breast love him too. She feels like tearing out of my T-shirt and scream " I love you! I love you! " My boyfriend had always been there for me. That makes me love him more and more every single day (:

School was okay lately. Actually, I don't really mean it when I said "okay". There are piles of assignments to do. That is the only thing I have to live with at the moment of time. I gotta gotta gotta gottaaaaaaaa workkkkkk harddddddd until 'O' Level ends.

2009-12-31T00:13:00.001-08:00

Well, I'm kind of getting-serious-on-studies mood. I want to get sexy marks for 'O' Levels this year okay (:

2009-12-31T00:13:00.000-08:00

I am pretty bored right now. I have to wait for my boyfriend till he finishes work. Yea, I feel crazy a little to know that he have to work today; Cus that means we're going out late for countdown ): I am soooo looking forward to 2010. Enjoy the fireworks and Happy New Year people :D

2009-12-31T00:01:00.001-08:00

This is my sister, Ee Cheekies (:

2009-12-23T02:33:00.000-08:00

Reveal the secret.

All I have to say now is, I made it to Sec 5. Congratulations Fyna (:

2009-08-13T04:34:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is Friday, the last weekday. I can't wait for Saturday! I missed many of my mates. It feels like i've lost them all; though they are still, always there for me. My boyf just won't give me a little more freedom. I might need some space. I am so bored, sometimes. But, being with him every single day till late night just makes me feel occupied. He rocks my world and I am so happy to have him. I love the way we go through ups and downs. And the way we still held on to each other although we are at the edge of falling. Featuring Abg Az, the person who gave us the strength to move on.
Perhubungan kita direstui akhirnya.

Next week is Prelims. OhMyGod. This coming Wednesday is 'O' Level Mt results. Double-OhMyGod. I better kill myself now.

2009-07-15T04:36:00.000-07:00

Photography

29th July 09; Y HAPPY 16th MONTHSARY BBY !

Today is Saturday. Oh, what a fabity fab fab day (: Apart from waiting for boyf` to call me =.=' Aye, i'm so fucking lazy update and i'll be away again for a long time. Bye.

2009-07-08T16:28:00.000-07:00

Let's talk about school, because I hate school. Homeworks are getting more and more. I always couldn't finish those piles on time. And so are the others. I had to follow those useless SRP. I really think it's useless because afterall, it is the same think that happens in normal lessons. Furthermore, many of my classmates had problems studying. So they make noise instead. I am not sure if I want to attend the night classes. Let's see if my boyfriend allows me to and I feel like going. Lastly, to be honest, I pretty much hate several bunch in school =.=' Those nak-step-fanatic type. Walk like there is a long stretch of red carpet beneath their feets. Talk like they rule the school. Oh my God! This is school dude. God should throw them a real life; or they're better off been dead. I wish I am out of this center of boredom and torture as soon as possible.

My boyfriend told me he loves me and I love him too :D
Bye.

2009-06-27T22:40:00.000-07:00

Happy 15th Monthsary Boyfriend!

2009-06-01T17:48:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FYNA !
Thanks a million times to every single one who wishes me Happy Birthday. Oh, I loooove it! I hope today will be fun with dear boyfriend (: Okay, I shall upload many many pictures when it's ready alright? :D
Btw, Happy Belated 14th Monthsary Bby!

Lazy to update.
Kbye.

2009-05-25T02:41:00.000-07:00

Photography.

23 May 2009;
I am happy because Bby brought back my Saturday! (: Weekends was pretty awesome. It wasn't this great lately. It's neither because Syasya didn't came along nor I feel like Bby wanted to spent more time with me but because my boyfriend and I did not quarell. In fact, we laughed alot and forget about the problems we had now. We walked from Town, all the way to City Hall. I would travell a thousand miles more as long as I am with Bby :D Lastly, I ate delicious doughnuts with my Doughnut Monster.

24 May 2009;

My momma call this fatass, KETOT! :D

Sunday was pretty awesome too! We joked and laughed at our lame jokes =.=' We do stupid things together. He really make me smile. He really really make me smile (: I Love Him. Please, my boyfriend is NOT a matrep. Thank you.

2009-05-10T19:20:00.000-07:00

I'm screaming over you, and you're screaming over me. Those love i've built; Bby they're thumbling down. Couldn't you believe that everything I said and did wasn't deceiving. Those tears in your eyes, just makes me wish I was never brought into this world. I don't think I have the strength to let you go. Now i'm here to say about the things that matters me.. about the things that make me feel so dead.. All I ever want is crawling to my bed and hide. I was crying alone all night. I was wasting all my life just thinking of you. We have the chance to take this back but I guess everything is overnow. I wish I could take this back and make it better then it ever was. I'm falling apart to say our love won't last forever. It's breaking my heart to tell you we can't be together. I'm sorry, it has always been about me. I'm sorry; but Bby, someday I promise I'll be gone.

Paranoia attacks you everytime I was about to say.. I guess I have to wait till you cure before I could tell you what I've always wanted to.

2009-05-09T19:34:00.001-07:00

I thought I would be happy to spend my weekends with you like all the time. I was totally wrong. All these while, you just wouldn't agree with my decision. Although I love you so much, I still have to do this for the sake of your life. You have attempted to commit suicide and ended up, hospitalised. I'm sorry. It's all because of me! If I didn't mention BREAK-UP, I believe things won't go this far. But, I HAVE TO FUCK OFF YOUR LIFE ! I am the one who should be hospitalised. I wish I die soon, so you don't have to worry about me leaving you and finding someone else. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO US ! It's not fair )':
I wish I'm dead so I don't have to love again.
I wish I'm dead so you have no choice but to move on.
I wish I'm dead because my heart don't deserve this.
I wish I'm dead because my heart is already broken.
I wish I'm dead because life is meaningless without you now.
O God, save him and take my life away!!!

Please refrain from talking to me. I neither want to see nor talk to anyone. So, thanks for fucking off (:

2009-05-08T04:13:00.000-07:00

I am happy because today is Friday! In addition, Monday is a holiday due to Vesak day ! :D

Exams so far sucks. I flunk all my papers, I guess? I'm sure that I fail my MT paper 1 because it's totally Isi-Menyelereng aaaaaaah! I should have my last-minute study for Chemistry because afterall, I find it quite easy. However, it's too late. I didn't finish some of my papers on time and i'm getting to feel worried about it.

2009-04-30T10:03:00.000-07:00

Y Happy 13th monthsary

Should I tell you that I wasn't feeling great most of the time ? Or should I just shut up and let this situation gets worst. I shouldn't, I know but you tend to ignore everything that I've told you these while. Honestly baby, I can't stand this pain. All that you can say is that I have to wait a little while more. & that you promised me you will make things right and we will live happily ever after. I don't mind losing you if things would be better without me. How long must I hide this secret? Soon or later, everybody's gonna find out )': I swear I can't wait for these to be settled. That is when my life is going to be esctasy. & yes, I accept both your daughter and son.. I would like to thank you a whole lot for loving me that much. But sometimes, you should stop making me angry/put force on me/beat me.. & we should stop screaming.

School.
Today was my first detention this year; yet the worst. I wrote hundred lines of two sentences for not bringing thermometer. I did bring but it's not working in school. Suddenly, it works again =.='
I am nervous about mid-year. I am not ready. I haven't spent time studying or put effort in studies. I've got no interest. Yes, i'm a stupid girl. I spent more time with my boyfriend than anything else. I can't even go home late from school or meet girlfriends.
Today is labour day, followed by weekends. Yes, I am going to spend majority of my time with boyfriend. I will try to complete my homeworks too, I guess? :D

2009-04-21T02:11:00.000-07:00

IS MY BLOG DEAD YET ??
Seriously, I'm pretty lazyyy to blog again. I feel like deleting this, but I just love it :D Hahaha. Wth? I've been lazyyy to do homeworks too but managed to get it done at last minute (: F&N coursework is almost done and i'm the happiest student in school ah.

My mum was robbed at highway last Sunday. I'm glad she's not hurt. That motherfucking man who robbed her, I FUCKING WISH YOU DIE!!!

Sorry for not posting for such a long time. No ones reading anyway :P Okay bye.

2009-04-13T06:05:00.000-07:00

Tell me this picture is hot :D Hahahaha !

I was still thinking about my closet clearence sale . All the pictures of those clothes have been taken but it's in Kamaria's brother's camera . There's some problems in receiving those pictures . I thought of doing it myself but my camera is still missing !!! On my second thought , I don't wish to sell my clothes off . Confusion strikes ..

I really really really can't wait to get out of school ! I've been saying this thousands of times but nothing can get me out at the moment . I haven't had enough of holidays . Good Friday + weekends is just a short holiday . I fucking wish there's Good week , or Good Month , or Good Year , or better still GOOD EVERYDAY ! :D Then it'll be like , live life to the fullest until you die . Hahaha .

I have so many work to do . I'm just lazy all the time . I don't put effort in my project and homeworks . All I do is to go with the flow , meet boyfriend and have fun everyday .

Today is a good day because my boyfriend don't need to go to work . Tomorrow will be another good day because his boss says "OFF" again ! :D This means he'll be fetching me from school again . I'm so happy .

I have nothing to talk about now..

bye

2009-04-02T07:27:00.000-07:00

I'm so happy to meet Bby repeatedly these days all because he's not working :D He's not working again tomorrow . That's a way damn good thing ! Unfortunately , I have to help out for achievement day or I have to do CWO =.=' It's gonna end quite late aaaahh ! Nevermind (:
There's one part today , where I punch my boyfriend like crazy but it didn't seems to be pain . Pig-ass-shit !

Today's my brother's birthday . What's sad was that , he's in camp . Hah! Happy Birthday Big Irritating Brother ! :D

2009-03-30T03:32:00.000-07:00

School was so bored ! GOD , I can't wait to end school . I'm so lazy to do anything at the moment .

Yesterday was our 1st Anniversary.

Okay bye :D

2009-03-19T04:51:00.000-07:00

Photography And like finally , Tadaaaaa! Some pictures after a long time not uploading new pictures :D

Good God , today was Bby's off day . He's not working but he have to go for bike liscence thingy . Anyway , meet him very early in the morning just to spent time . He was two hours late because he overslept =.=' But yea , headed to Bishan for breakfast and saloon for his hair cut . Shit aaaaah , he looks like matrep with his hairstyle ! Then , went to Bukit Gombak Driving Center and waited for him to finish his whatever thing . Went to Boonlay , window-shopped , had lunch , slacked afterwards . Blablabla ..

Yesterday , I have a super-weird dreams . I dreamt that Bby beat me with a metal something . I was screaming like hell in pain but he didn't stop . I can't believe these fears came to nightmares . Now I wish dreams don't come to reality .

I'm still thinking about making my Closet Clearence Sale .

2009-03-16T07:25:00.000-07:00

Saturday was pretty fine (: Bby didn't skate so that simply means we spent the whole day with each other . Went window-shopping at Town . Had donuts while watching movie on his labtop . Ate dinner and everything .
Then on Sunday , was supposed to meet Bby at 9.30am . I was awake earlier but I went asleep back because I knew that Bby's gonna be hours late like he always is . He went called me at 9.30am , which woke me up and told me he's on the way to my house . I dashed to the bathroom and get dressed up . I was as fast as flash that day . Bby's already at my doorstep . Headed to Bishan to meet Alfie afterwards . Watched them skate at Bishan's new skatepark . Alfie met his girlfriend and I spent the rest of the day with Bby :D

Today I sit at home the whole day alone and rot to the core . I was having a bad menses cramp so I didn't get my butts off and go out . I ate a pill but vomitted . There's an internet connection failure so I can't do anything on the computer . Well , that really sucks . So I spent so many hours on Harry Potter and Big Daddy while eating some snacks . Halfway , talked to Bby to accompany him while he's working . Everytime the menses pain grew stronger , I would lay on my stomach on the bed . I didn't have anything to do so I cleaned the kitchen , which makes mummy tell me she loves me when she got home today . Then , I wasn't satisfied with the damn computer so I kept trying until I found out that a wire wasn't plugged in properly =.=' That really pissed me off !

I'm figuring out what should I do this March holidays . I have to get my tonnes of homework done . Bby will be working until dusk so i can only meet him after work . I'd like to meet Girlfriends since it's holidays and I haven't met them in ages ! I hope Bby would allow me to slack/go out or I really have to beg him to let me out for just a day .
Yesterday , Bby got mad at me over something . He view my friendster and wasn't happy with several stuffs . He took off my 'Who I want to meet' probably because Dart was there . He was unhappy for changing what he typed in my shoutout before . So , I think I have to put it back there later . He wants me to delete the picture of me and my ex , Adam . He want's me to delete Dart off my featured friends . He don't want me to accept anymore guy's request . & if possible , he doesn't want me to get involved in Friendster activity . I'm so upset )': I've deleted several pictures in friendster because Bby didn't like the shirt that I wore in those pictures . He scolded me for my previous facebook picture too )': I didn't know what else I can't do but it's just my teenage life . He can't treat me exactly like a wife now .

My closet is full with clothings . I want to clear them off . So instead of throwing them , I thought of selling them off at cheap prices . Bby wouldn't allow me to wear most of my clothes now anyway . Readers , what do you think about my closet clearence sale :D Please give me opinion on this . Thank you (:

2009-03-13T06:57:00.000-07:00

Parents-teacher meeting was weird just now . My results sucks like always =.=' Mummy and Ms Chiau was talking more about my life than my studies . Now my teacher know that I always go out and reach home late . I've got no time to study . I've got not enough sleep . That finally answers my teacher's question asking me why do I look pale and all . She asked me that several time during morning assembly . What's worst is that they talked about me having a boyfriend =.=' My mum reveals it all out !
Fetched Bby from work again today . Had dinner and all . I can't wait for tomorrow because it's my Saturday ! :D
I read horoscope almost everyday . Today my horoscope was One of your friends has been giving you some really good advice regarding your health, and it's time to stop feeling so defensive about it. They want the best for you! So if they're suggesting that you go to the gym, eat healthier food or put a stop a bad habit, it's not because they want to tell you how to live your life. It's because they want you to live a long and capable life. Take that chip off your shoulder and take some of what they say to heart.

2009-03-11T08:25:00.000-07:00

I wish human-beings don't exsist to hurt each other ..

Y Every rule I had you're breaking . Remember those love we've built ? Everything is crashing down .

You're everything I thought you never were. Ain't nothing like a thought could have been. Still, you live inside of me. So tell me how is that. You're the only one I wish I could forget. The only one I love to not forgive. And though you break my heart. You're the only one. And though there are times when I hate you. Cause I can't erase .The times that you hurt me. And put tears on my face. And even now while I hate you. It pains me to say. I know I'll be there. At the end of the day. Something that I feel I need to say. But untill now I've always been afraid. That you would never come around. And still I wanna put this out. You say you got the most respect for me but. Sometimes I feel you're not deserved of me. And still you're in my heart. But you're the only one. And yes, there are times when I hate you. But I don't complain. Cause I've been afraid that. You would walk away. Oh but now I don't hate you. I'm happy to say. That I will be there. At the end of the day. Now I met a place I thought I'd never be, oh. I'm living in a world whereas all about you and me, yeah. And I won't be afraid, my broken heart as free. To spread my wings and fly away, away with you..

2009-03-09T05:40:00.000-07:00

This picture is just expessing my Love towards butterflies . I love butterflies and anything that owns a pair of wings to fly a whole lot . I wish I owns a pair of wings like what miracles happened in my dream . I just want to be set free . A life with a complete freedom . & also actually , free from love .

I'm seriously not feeling well . My whole body aches and I'm feeling so weak . I just feel like lying on my bed the rest of my life . Something is wrong with my breath . I have breathing problem and someday I know everything in my body will stop functioning, then I will suffocates to death . Who even know how hard I tried to breath sometimes ? Someday , I Promise I'll Be Gone ..

There's problems everywhere . I flunk my malay oral . Teacher knew I was sick because I sound sick . Teacher said it affects my reading so I didn't get good marks . Apart from school , I'm just telling everyone here that i'm tired of living with everything on top of me . This weight is like the whole world sitting on my shoulders . Boyfriend , I thought of forgetting him because i'm not worth to be with . I'm totally imperfect and I just live to die . I've been in this world for 15 years and i'm going to be dead soon . Although how much he cried , beggin me please don't go .. I still don't see why must I do this to our relationship . But seriously , it really hurts me to say whatever i've said today )':

2009-03-07T17:22:00.000-08:00

Today i'm going Downtown with Bby , siblings and their bf . I can't wait to reach there because we'll be going Escape Theme Park & Wild Wild Wet ! OhMyGod , I'm so excited :D

I'm a Gemini bby . I've been reading horoscope and i'm starting to trust it ! I'm so happy to read today's because it has got to do with life i'm going through right now .
As soon as you start your day, you'll start to see new possibilities -- and you'll feel more and more confident about taking a few risks this time. There is a light shining on you now, and it's like a guardian angel protecting you from people who don't think the best of you. You won't fall for their lines and they won't succeed at distracting you, no matter what tricks they pull. You're starting to recognize who the most important person in your life is -- you.

I'm not quite enjoying what i'm going through right now . Everything was a mistake but I don't see why I have to try when I know that I just can't survive without Bby & Bby too . But actually , I'm more than happy to be with Him all this difficult time , to still have him here whenever i'm in need of someone . We're going through some hard times but pretending everything was okay . We tried to cheer each other up and provide love . I'm the one in great pain but no one knows . A smile from him takes the pain away .

2009-03-03T05:34:00.001-08:00

I just feel like blogging because i'm dead bored !

Let me start about school because i've got a whole lot of things to say about school . First , school and rules sucks! :D I've been saying this , I know . Next , malay lesson had been real stupid these days . I embarassed myself in malay class during pidato yesterday all because i'm not even ready . What an ass right ?! I don't care getting a ZERO for that stupid presentation =.=' That shorty beside me acts cute in front of the class right . People tells me that too . Mdm Hartini gives alot of work to do and she'll end up not going through it/collect the homeworks . She's always like that , since 4 fucking years ago . But actually , she teach very well :D
Then , the school building is going to be painted soon . I'm not interested in the colours ..

Received a friendster comment from Dart . He must have been set free after 2nd hearing . I'm glad he is . And yes , I'm glad he has found a new girlfriend too! Last long Dart (:

My boyfriend and I had been pretty fine these days . Accept for the jokes he started , that we would end up quarelling . Hahaha ! Fetched him at work yesterday . It ain't that hard to find his Cisco building . Cabbed to IMM to have dinner and everything .
Today , Bby came over for a short while . Tralalaaaaa ...
Tomorrow , probably meeting him at Bukit Gombak to book his bike prep or whatever it is . IDK !

I'm so fucking bored !!!!!! &*%$#@

2009-02-25T00:54:00.000-08:00

Photography. (2008)

These are some 2008's pictures from Sabby's camera. I just got them this year (: I haven't been taking photos for a long time. I hate my camera just because it's old and bulky . I'd wish to have a new one soon ! I'm not buying the black large Nikon . It's common amongst everybody . Buying a Nikon doesn't make you a photographer right .

School sucks like always . Last three period was F&N and I can't believe I survived those hell periods with Shara . She rushed us too much on coursework and I think she should stop doing that . That really sucks right ? My thumbdrive's missing and my coursework's stuffs is all inside! I've got no idea who the hell stole it . I rushed my reasearh on the second factor because she wants to see it by today =.=' I'm so stress! Just now was English Oral examination and I flunk that! I dicked picture discussion and conversation and I think i'm going to fail! All handphones was on the table and my handphone kept vibrating , it bothers me and the teacher . That female teacher kept rejecting calls on my handphone =.='

Yesterday , fetched Bby at Jurong . Then headed to IMM for dinner . Shopped for snacks at Daiso . Bby paid again for my Strawberry Caramel Corn and it was my favourite ! I used to buy it when I was a small girl until it stopped selling at NTUC =.=' Now , I know exactly where to get it from and i'm so happy !

2009-02-21T18:35:00.000-08:00

Yesterday , went out with Bby . He misses me so much and I miss him too (: Watched him skate at youth park until it started to rain . Headed to city link since it's the only indoor place to skate . My sister called me to go CenterPoint to reserve anything that I want from Robinson or Marks&Spencer but I didn't go . Stayed with Bby all the way . The moments before I went home sucks . We talked something out and both of us cried .

Y Our love had been too strong for far too long . I guess i'm all prepared to let go of You Bby . I'd wish to leave for the sake of all You ! But it's always You who wouldn't wanna let me go despite this situation . I should leave and You should let me go right ?

2009-02-20T06:02:00.000-08:00

Life were sucks these day . I can't take this anymore cause it's hurting me more and more as time passed by . Everything was okay days back but it all just happened out of a sudden . I wasn't in a good mood these days . Besides menses' mood swings , I kept getting mad at Bby over little things . I have good reasons why I'm behaving this way . He kept making me upset though . I totally forgot how to respect him . With that , I kept getting scolded for being rude . We often gets into quarell and it lasted for a long period of time okay . I was totally fucked up with him and myself too . He don't allow me to slack with my friends and do anything as I wish . I think that really sucks =.=' After all these while , I kept thinking about making a final desicion but I just can't . I don't know what the fuck is wrong with us . I love him and he love me too but we just wouldn't want to show our love to each other these days . I don't understand why . This feeling really sucks and on my second thought , I fucking wish we would break up . I'm not sure if going our seperate ways is the correct decision but I feel like I'm a wall in between them . Bby seriously refused to let me go and refuse to agree on break-ups . He had promised me to make things right but I have to do my part by being patience and give him the time he need . Now , I've got no choice but to stay with these hurting things that's happening to me because Bby won't let me go no matter what . It's so sad to say this but I have to be true

I'd wish to leave for the sake of you all ..

2009-02-16T18:15:00.001-08:00

Old Photography

Here's some old photos of mine I found on the net .

2009-02-16T18:03:00.000-08:00

I didn't attend school today because I woke up late and I don't want to serve detention because it sucks this year =.=' Mum gave me cab money but I returned it back to her . Why serve two hours of detention when you're only late for minutes right ? It's not worth my time . So here I am , stay at home and rot. Going JB later and meet Bby afterwards . I didn't miss school at all :D

2009-02-16T04:56:00.000-08:00

Today is just another sucks day . Thanks to that bitch who spoils our love live again and again . So , my boyfriend got super fucked up and I have all msges he sent to me . Somehow I wished she would read everything yourself and know how sucks she was all these while . Anyway dear , try harder breaking us apart . TRY HARDER BITCH ! YOU GET ME ?! =.=' Met Bby for a short while and we spent all that short while crying . I cried the most and I don't have any tissue paper with me so my nose was leaking too and I swear I looked gross ! :D I don't care okay . We didn't want to leave each other and he was so afraid that I would hate and dumb him . He thought I've wasted 10 fucking months on him but I've not . Again , thanks to the sluttiest bitch .
Bitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitch !
Syafiah , you're the Bitch !

My boyfriend is outside and he's in danger because there's some fights going on . I hope he'll be fine . He asked me to pray for his safety . Dear God , please save him . I hope he'll be back early today.

I Love Halilullah Al-Habsyi .

2009-02-15T07:04:00.000-08:00

I've been away for a very long time , I know . Anybody missed me and my posts ? :D
Friday the 13th was a very bad day although it didn't happened to me . In memories of Faridah's dearest mother . I hope she'll be fine soon and accept things the way it has to be . I could imagine how painful it was . It feels like losing half of her own life . Be strong babygirl :D

Valentine's Day was great . Actually it started out real bad . I altered my dress on the same day i'm wearing it=.=' I was super-duper late for the date and Bby waited for me under my void deck . I put on make-up but it turned out really ugly on me that day. I smudged my eyeliners many times and kept painting my eyelids over again . I got fucked up with my own self and messed everything nearby me . I finally gave-up on that make-up thingy and cried my way out . My face was plain and I cried more when meeting him because I thought I looked ugly . He kept asking me why I cried and he hugged me . He thought I cried because my parents scolded me or he thought he scolded me till I cried . Then , he finally knew I cried because I couldn't make-up that only day . There he goes , like ,
"Takmo nangis laa . Da nak 16 years-old tau . Ayg big girl kan ? " =.='
And then he said I'm beautiful that sucks day . He comforts me like I'm a little baby girl , but that's nice (: After crying , make-up and went off to Vivo .
Although my boyfriend and I went out like every other times , the feelings deep inside was totally different . I can't explain . We were wearing the same coloured dressings from head to toe and we look great (: Heeee! Had great times there at Vivo . Bla bla bla . Headed back to Sembawang and went to his place before home . I Love my boyfriend so much !

Today , my boyfriend and I went to the top of the apartment and throwed paper aeroplanes down . We did the stupidest things together but we're adorable aren't we ? :D

2009-02-03T06:45:00.000-08:00

I'm sick and tired of school . Seriously , I hope time passes by like flash because Bby said he wants me to at least grab diploma . Well , who doesn't want to fulfill a love's wish . If I could get to Poly , then i'm going through it for the sake of him (: I fucking wish I could study in Poly. Bby's not working since Monday so he fetched me every single day . He's not working tomorrow too and he said he's gonna fetch me again . I'm so happy ! Just now , went to IMM just to have our late lunch together . Its damn far , but blame the super-delicious chicken rice . Went around and around and had some fun time afterwards .
We've been going through hard times together especially right now . I'm so stressed and fucked up with that stuck-up bitch ! But then , he gave me all the strength i've lose . We've been there for each other all this difficult times . Thanks to Abg Az too for everything , we owe you alot especially Halil . This all won't even have started if it's not because of that bitch , seriously ! Now i'm hell angry with her . I asked Bby how long more must we suffer especially me , and what he said was "just a little while more" . It's a law that he can't end this shit though so we would just wait . Even if i'm left all of a sudden , the most , I'm just gonna get hurt but the feeling won't last :D I don't mind anything just for my Love's happiness .
FUCKING SPY ON ME AND US LIKE AS IF WE GIVE A FUCK ABOUT IT ! Don't make things come to a state whereby we're gonna be gone for good and I promise you're gonna regret every single shit you've done to us & you're gonna suffer your whole life , alone..

2009-02-02T06:28:00.000-08:00

It was totally a bad day but I don't even care because Bby's still here to cheer me up . It has always been a miserable day for him , I know , but I'm still there to cheer him up (: Pay close attention to us , WE ARE ONE SWEET COUPLE WITH LEAST DISTRACTIONS & WE ARE HAPPY WITH EACH OTHER ! Bitch , you get me ?! How dare you came to destroy what I came here to love . I'm not one dump shit like you are who doesn't have the positive mind to think for yourself what is wrong and right , and what is the best for you . I know i'm doing the right thing and i'm walking through the right path with my boyfriend and you're just dog shits lying around our path . Let me embarrassed you now with something I knew . You're one cheap slut who flirts around , sleeps around with random guys and give sex for free! I know and actually i'm still good enough to not state more . Facts will be facts no matter what . So , could you just accept the fact that you're not accepted anymore . I know everything and I know you don't deserve what you used to have . Just quit making a fool of yourself , quit creationg nuisance and quit complaining . You irritate the both of us and we didn't like you at all . Maybe a little more entertainment for you will do babygirl :D If you want to make a big fuss about it , then just wait for something real big ! You really spoiled my fucking-hyper mood , do you even realised it . I've got feelings too . If it's not because of your totally-poor attitude , this wouldn't have happened at all . Please think about it , blame yourself and tell me who's worth the pain . I did this because of my love and i'll fight for my love . Bby said it too . He'll fight for our love !

BITCH , YOU LOSE !

Actually , you still wouldn't want to believe what i've told you . Go ahead trusting what you hear and see from that dump page called Friendster . You don't even know a single shit and yet you're not ashamed of yourself for assuming such things about us . Keep complaining . Tell everyone . It was all the past but you think it's not . You're just jealoused . Dear , I won't regret anything although he's gone .

2009-01-28T15:07:00.000-08:00

I'm seriously sick and feeling so weak right now . Last night , I hardly breathe and I coughed until I fall asleep . I hate being sick . It feels like i'm a sore loser =.='

I dragged Amalina's birthday present until today because I couldn't get a wrapper for her because many shops were closed . I did her card till late night , last night . She would love it :D Yesterday , gave Bby his birthday present and he said it was his best birthday present ever . Haha . Something we talked about made him cry .. It's so hard to see a guy crying . Today's our 10th monthsary and i'm so happy (:

Y Happy 10th monthsary Bby ! Thanks for loving me until today and taking care of me . I hope your wish to be with me would be granted . In fact , it will (: Don't worry much , I will accept your daughter and take care of her if you win custody of her . I Love You Bby , do you know that ?

2009-01-25T18:57:00.000-08:00

Photographs of Dart Vintage Star.

I cried several days because of this guy here , Dart . He's been there for me everytime i'm lonely . He never fails to make me smile although i'm at my weakest . He's been accompanying me when my bf was away months back . I've hurt him alot by not loving him back . Although he knows that I love my bf well , still , i've hurt him so much . He bought for me a tiger but doesn't have the time to pass it to me . He'll be in boys home for 2 and half solid years . I'm fucking gonna miss him )':

Oh , i've been away for a long time . It's Chinese New Year's short holiday . There's homeworks but I don't feel like completing it . Spending my days off with dear boyfriend (: Going to his place later , yea ! Tomorrow is Dearest Amalina's Birthday . Gonna wish her when school reopens . Two days later is Bby's birthday . I'm not sure what do I get for him . Three days later will be our 10th monthsary ! Oh God , I'm so happy (:

I seriously feel like getting a new skin for this pathetic blog of mine . I'm lazy though , and I still like the current one :D So , sticking to this for the moment .

Dear readers , keep visiting and tag before leaving . Thanks !

2009-01-14T05:32:00.000-08:00

I've been real busy . So that simply means I don't have time to go online , update blog , visit friendster , check myspace and do anything on computer =.=' Well , that totally sucks right ? All "thanks" to school . Only two weeks of school 2009 but I've got tonnes of stuffs to do . I could understand that i'm taking GCE N'Level and O'Level Malay this year . I have least time to spent with my boyfriend and friends too ): School and rules is getting suckish this time . I totally hate it and I regretted being in AI . Fuck school , how I wish I could quit school but it might ruin my future . Now I wish time pass by like flash and I'm out of AI . Structured Remedial Programme is totally a bad idea , I guess . Why push us so hard ? Stressed .

However , I meet my boyfriend every single day , after school , without fail :D Weekends too . That's a good thing , right ? & so I wish we won't fight and ended up losing each other because so far , things are going on well . Except for some fucked-up-never-ending-shit . (Shall not mention here.) It will be settled soon because Bby have promised me life (: I have to learn to be a little more patience even after being extremely patience with Him . That's a hard thing to do though .

Shall update soon , when I have the time to .
Please keep visiting and tagging , thanks .
Goodbye for the moment :D

2009-01-04T01:15:00.000-08:00

Didn't attend school on the first day of school because I was so lazyyy ! I wish holidays are longer . Later in the evening , met Bby and off we went to town . Met his friends and accompanied him to buy a new deck . We were extremely late . Then slack for a while and I went home . Bby go home the next morning which is Saturday morning .
He could only took a nap because he promised me that we will meet early which is 12pm+ . I called hime but he didn't answer my call . He was sleeping away ! Then he woke up at 2pm+ and told me we will meet as soon as he's done dressing up at about 3.30pm . I called him at 3.30pm + but he didn't answer my call . I went under my void-deck , hoping he has reached but he's not there . I waited but he still didn't arrive . I went back home and called him again but couldn't get through . I kept calling him until I cried because I thought he don't want to meet me anymore . I cried all the way and rushed to the top of my apartment and sit there because no one could see me there (: I smoke and cried there until I stopped . I went to the nearest public phone and called him , and yes , he pick up this time . He told me he went asleep again and now he is in the toilet , SHITTING and answering my call ! What an ass boyfriend . Then , met him . He told me that he called my home and mum told him i'm not at home . He's so worried and msg-ed Fiee to ask her if i'm with her . Hahaha . Then , went off to raffles to have dinner together and headed to OGS as soon as we're done with dinner . Then , went to citylink to meet his friends . I sat at a corner and watched them joke and skate . Borat was there and obviously , he kept making a fool of himself . Hahaha ! :D Then , some shit happens . ( Lazy to say it here because it's full of crap! )
Stupid YP reps ! Then , went off to library and settled there jus in case anything happens before Bby's boss come . Then , they kept asking me to go home because it's dangerous . I don't want to , because i'm afraid if I don't know anything happens to Bby . Took bus home afterwards and reached home 10 minutes to 1pm . Bby reached home today morning again . ~Lalala ..

2009-01-01T04:22:00.000-08:00

Another one was a picture of a maze .

I was so late yesterday and Bby waited for me under the void deck . Last day of 2008 was pretty fine except for a little quarell with Bby . It has always been the way it was ): Didn't go off to town straight away because Bby was waiting for his boss to transfer money to his bank account . So slacked at Sembawang before meeting his friends . Then , went off to meet his friends at Far East and waited for the rest at Heeren . Had dinner at ljs Cine Leisure . Went to Centerpoint's Subway and waited for Alfie finished work . At 12 midnight , watched fireworks . It was so great and funny too . Everyone was screaming "Happy New Year Singapore" and Bby , "Happy New Year Radius Kia" . WhatTheHell ?! Bby and I was hugging each other during the fireworks and he whispers "Happy New Year Ayg" :D Then , went to Raffles to slack all the way until today . Watched Bby and friends skate . Watched them play some games and tech deck . Funny :D Drinked Bacardi breezer peach and lime , not drunk though =.=' Had serious talks with Bby . He wanted to buy me a new number on the spot but I fucking pulled him back . He doesn't like it when a single guy msg-ed me . Although my friend , school friends , classmates , work friend , friend's boyfriend's friend , friend's boyrfriend , old friends or any single guy . He is so stressed about this situation , I can see that )': I didn't mean to be in contact with guys but can't there be a single day that you didn't missed msg-ing me ? Bby vomits and I think he's sick . Reached home at 9am+ and slept until late afternoon . Actually , Bby wants to go out for a movie today . But , nah .

Tomorrow is fucking school ! I can't believe it , can you ? I wish to quit school but Bby wants me to study real hard . I hope I will so I won't dissapoint him . *Fuck school . I'm too cool to go back :D

Y Halilullah Al-Habsyi , I love !

2008-12-30T23:15:00.000-08:00

Wait ! I just received a message from Bby !
03:10PM
Ayg..abg aru ang0n...

Yahooooooo! Okay bye dudes .

2008-12-30T19:54:00.000-08:00

Photography

The first picture was from my old blog .

Last Monday was my 9th monthsary with my boyfriend . Suprisingly , he msg-ed me and wanted to meet me :D So yea . After his work ends , he came to my place . I fucking miss him alot and i'm so happy to meet him , seriously . I gave him the heart shaped lollipop with "I Love You" on it . He told me that he's gonna share it with his daughter but then , his daughter took it all because she doesn't wants to share . Naughty Dahlia Eryziana ! ): Then , slacked with Bby somewhere . Quarelled several times because he just can't stop disturbing me . Irritating . Grr ! Then , I found out he has a tattoo on his coller bone and arms . In sleeve . It has been there for like , a month and I didn't even know it because he was so afraid to tell me . Before I could ever see it , he asked me to promise him not to leave him no matter what happens . We've made our promises even before all these . I feel like slapping him , punching him , pinching him , beating him , kicking him and everything , what else ? I controlled not to until I shivered ! No wonder Bby didn't took off his clothes .. Hahaha , what an ass boyfriend . I was a little fine with it afterwards because I want to have tattoos too . Then , Bby has to go off early because he has appointment at night . He do tattoos to earn money . Sigh*

Yesterday , went JB with mum , niece , her friend and Amirah . Bought stuffs and i'm still not satisfied! I think my school back is huge . My school shoe is big and heavy but it's Vans (: I feel like buying another Fred Perry school shoe . Another time perhaps . After Jb , met Bby . Went to meet Alfie and Afai to skate at Citylink . Bby stopped halfway becuase of the crack on his deck . It's gonna break into two anytime . Blablabla . Two police came and four of us were screened .
Police "Does your mum knows you were out ? "
Me " Yes ."
Police " Although your mum knows that you were out , if you're below 16 , you can't be outside after 11pm "
Me " Oh , okay ."
Police " So , you want to go home now or I send you home ? "
Me " I'll go home now . Haha"
Then , we went off to smoke before going home . Managed to take the last train home (: Alfie alight at Bishan . Reached Sembawang , slacked with Bby at Canberra Park until 1pm plus . Bby sends me home . Talked on the phone before sleep .

Bby's not working today and we're going out . Last night Bby said that we're going out early , 2pm+ . It's already 3pm and I think Bby is still sleeping since he's not working today . I called him but he's not answering my call .

Now , i'm not sure who to go out with . Bby is not awake . Dart called me and told me he'll be at his Pakara Happening Team chalet . Fiee said Amirah will only go downtown if I come along . Fiee will be at downtown for countdown with his boyfriend and others , like last year . Qad ask me if I want to meet him at downtown today . Probably like last year . Omar wants to meet me today too . Probably like last year too but he doesn't want to go downtown this year .

2008-12-27T07:04:00.000-08:00

Met Dart yesterday and i'm happy to meet him , really (: Quarelled several times because he started it first ! He did something that I didn't like it at all . I was so angry that I kept silence and pushed him away , hard , until he stopped (: He snatched my handphone to check my messages , and got mad after reading some messages from my male friends . Dyed his hair for him , played cards and all . Dart is an ass because he keeps disturbing his cat . I can see that his cat is jealoused when I was with Dart :P Hahaha . Slacked with him afterwards until 9pm before going home . I missed him until today . Actually , I kind of have this feeling towards him but I don't know what is it called and it just can't be . Seriously .
Today is Saturday and it's so bad when it's supposed to be the best day in the week . I accompanied mum to Sembawang Shopping Center , reached home and rot the whole day ! Haven't been meeting Girlfriends for two days , and I missed them alot .

Fyfy , who was my date when I was Secondary One asked me out but I don't want to meet him . He is twenty years old now , I supposed . The question he asked me told me that it's just not save to meet him . Hahaha! I've met him two years back aniway , and I hope not to meet him again . Kai says it's so hard to meet me . I've been ignoring Kiwi's and Qadri's message . My prepaid is low anyway . Izzatoink asked me when can we meet . Hahaha . All these old friends ..

I feel like changing my handphone number so Bby couldn't get through me anymore . I want to be gone for good but isn't it bad that way ? I feel like running away from him , and running away from the fact that I actually love him so much . Just for his own good , and his little children too . I'm so stressed and I don't quite know where should I go . It feels like I don't have anyone else to live with when everyone is here for me . I've never felt nothing in this world like this before , how i'm missing you . Less than 24 hours more to our 9th monthsary. Or , I shouldn't count down the days that are wasted . Whatever , everything doesn't matters anymore . I don't even seem to care whatever happens .. Y

Goodbye .

2008-12-24T08:11:00.000-08:00

Days had been real good lately , without Bby (': Slacked with girlfriends days ago . I swear it was so damn fun . They're the ones who really make my day . I'll never get bored even on the worst place on Earth with them . We sniffed Laughing Gas and got high . Then we would laugh and make the weirdest noise like no one's hearing . I once lied to them that there is police approaching us because I want to change place and I know my girls are slow . So I fucking scare them away . Iqa was the funniest , she ran that far heading I don't know where . Fiee tried to follow her speed that she kept dropping her school books . The rest followed like selenger and I was walking at the back watching them :D WhatTheFuck ! Iqa threw a piece of cake at me for lying and I actually deserve it . Suprisingly we got a new place to slack that fast ! Hahaha :D They were great .

Tuesday , went to Escape Theme Park with Maia and Sabby . The rest of girlfriends from school can't make it so we had to go in threes . It was preety fun indeed . Pirate Ship and Wild&Wet was so fun but my best ride was Daytona Go Kart ! I wish to go there again , just for Go Kart . Oh , I missed it alot . After that , find my way to Qadri's place in Pasir Ris because he asked me to . Slacked with him for a while before heading back to Sembawang to meet Eezy and the rest . Eez , Reny and Rahmah were kind of drunk . Sadly , I was late . Haha .

Yesterday , Qadri came to my area just to meet me . Oh , so sweet of him :D He was with his friend . Slacked for just some time and they have to go off . Met girlfriends afterwards to slack . My niece called me to help her because some fucked up minah was searching for her . So I came all the way to Woodlands just to settle whatever shit that happens . Eezy , Fiee and Amirah came along with me too . Reached there and I kind of regret because everything was full of crap ! That girl brings her fat mother along just because people call her a bitch . WhatTheFuck right ? She was so nerdy but nak step fanatic kimak taik babi' . She wears stupid clothes , high waist bare bottom jeans with random top and was talking like "gangster" . Her mother looks worst or I should say both of them are the same . Obviously she talk the way she did because her mom was there =.=' They try to threten us by saying that her cousin is a police and they can call him anytime and we will be in lock-up . WhatTheHell was that supposed to be and are we supposed to be like , oh-so-scared ?! Why would we be in lock-up when they're the ones who were like retarded . So basically , her mom talks alot that I forgot majority of what she says . She told me details and details about her daughter , my niece , the neighbourhood friends , his cousin who's a police , her husband and even her daughter's birthday party =.=' Her daughter is asking for some surgeries and make-over seriously . Kite relax la bodoh . Nak main baju , zaman lambat bodoh. Countdown 2009 pon dah nak dekat bodoh . Ingat ni zaman mak gemok kau kunyah sireh pe bodoh . Duduk diam-diam ngan mak kau pat rumah sudah , bodoh . Takde harapan hidop nye budak , bodoh . Merepek nye pompan , bodoh . Kau bodoh ke pe bodoh ?! Stakat sedare kau police , kirekan die boleh asal boleh letak kite pat lock-up pe . Eh , besok lusa aku nye matae POLICE uh , bodoh ! Ini gemok cakap kalau laki die ade , kite semua masok lock-up jugak . Eh , kalau anak sedare aku nye bapak ade , korang semua masok longkang bodoh ! Mmng naseb korang uh agaknye eh , abang sedare aku pat dalam . So after that , Eezy start in the kental quarell . Seriously , full of crap . Nak step fanatic skali bawak mak sial !Waste My Time !
After that , went to Vista point and waited for Iqa and Khad . Followed Iqa to get her stationaries and off we went to Causeway Point . Bought food at pasar malam and eat them at Civics . We were so noisy in there . I laughed alot and I really had fun with girlfriends . I've always been enjoying myself with them (: Took alot of pictures ! Shall upload them when ready :D

Chat with many people today (: First was Kai . He said I forgot about him and wants to meet me . So I said he was the one because he's a tattoo artist now right . Then , Epai . I was damn shock when he said about we broke up . Actually , I didn't even know that we were once attached in the past because I thought we were only 'teman tapi mesra' , something like that . So , I have two ex-es ! :P He plan to meet one day if I want to and with one condition , that is , My hair shouldn't look like a babydoll when we go out . Wth ? Hahaha ! He's so funny . Qamal was so nervous about his NS next year and he kept telling me . Another funny . Dart had been quite busy since his friend's death ):

Y Oh Bby , where have you been ? It's christmas and all I want for christmas is You ! )': How it feels like to love me ? Do You know how much it hurts me right now and every single day ? It feels like everything I've got is destroyed and i'm broken . You don't want to lose me but I hadn't had enough of what I wanted . I thought You said I could ask for anything I want ?! But why is it I don't have You whenever I need You and I don't feel satisfied at all . You're telling me to wait , and yes I'm waiting . Bby , I can't take it anymore )': I've been waiting for too long , when you were away for months until I got You back with me , and now .. Where is the love You promised me ?! The promises You made ?! Do you still remember , You cried and literally begged me not to leave You ?! Do You still remember how many times have I forgive you ?! It's uncountless Bby . I feel like dump-ing You now , but I just love You as much as I love myself . Please , just do something soon .

My horoscope says
You'll see signs of life in a relationship that you thought was dead and buried.
My relationship will be okay soon ?

2008-12-21T03:35:00.000-08:00

Last Friday , slacked with girlfriends . Reny was there too with us . I went off earlier to meet Dart at Yew Tee . They went off too , to buy "Laughing Gas" . Dart and his new stuffs , hahaha . We sit on a bench to smoke and talk . Dart read my messages in my hp . Then he wants Lutfi's number to call him after reading the messages . WhatTheHell . I was lucky to get back my handphone after snatching it . Dart Is An Ass !
After slacking with Dart , took train to Lakeside to join girlfriends again . Reny and her father fetch me at MRT station and went off to Japanese Garden to meet the rest . They already start drinking . I was late . Reny's father treat us :D Yea , thanks uncle ! After drinking and all , Reny's father send us back to Sembawang . He drank and yet he could drive . Cool . In the van , we only got high after sniffing gas . Hahaha . Amirah was the worst . I and her kept quarelling , we always do (: It was funny though . Reached home at 12+am and I really had fun .

Yesterday , woke up damn early in the morning for Melacca . There's a wedding . Dad drive there . The journey was damn long and I was sleeping because I didn't have enough sleep and i'm sick . After the wedding , visit my cousins house . I slept again . Then , went to a mall in melacca and bought some stuffs . I'm not done with buying stuffs but we didn't have enough time because of the 3+ hours journey back home . I wrapped myself with a few layers or clothes because i'm freezing cold . I'm really sick . High Fever . Flu . Sore throut . Cough and everything . I'm feeling so weak and it's irritating . Reached home , I went to bed and I felt like vomitting . OMG . Then I cried but I don't know why . I'm still sick now . My stomach is painful . I've got no appetite to eat but i'm hungry . My nose , it bleeds just now . Oh God , cure me .
Kiwi told me he misses me today . We hoped to meet soon , again . He's attached but his girlfriend doesn't trust him . Yea , I have my problems too and it's worst . CHEER UP KIWI ! :D
Gemini
It's wonderful that you are concerned about the health and well-being of other people in your life, but isn't it about time that you focused more on your own health and your own needs? There is only so much you can do to help other people, and right now you need to start doing things for yourself. Let others take care of themselves. It's not selfish, it's smart. What are you most unhappy about right now? Take tiny steps toward healing yourself and putting yourself first.

Y Bby , everything ain't right at all . It's been like this and still like this . Why ? When can I have my life again since You still refuses to let me go ! I have a boyfriend but it doesn't looks like I have You . But , I could feel You . Bby , we didn't meet often like we used to . You have least time for me ): It's not fair ! You still wouldn't let me go . WhatTheFuck Bby . I Hate You . I Miss You . I Love You .

2008-12-16T22:50:00.000-08:00

I kind of regretted going work yesterday although I came the latest . It was so damn busy and everything is in a mess because no one is that free to clean up . I totally hate mess . Usually , I ate lunch at 2 plus or something but I was only free to eat lunch at 5.20pm ! So by the time I finish eating and smoking , the rest were doing closing . WTH right?! So yea , ends quite late last night . The manager treats a scoop of Ben&Jerry ice cream because we earned way beyond the target . Too bad , I didn't take the ice cream .
After work , went to meet girlfriends to slack . After that , went to Bby's place to meet him after such a long time not seeing each other ! I was about to cry anyway . Bby told me that his daughter took the tigger bear that I gave him and ran away . Then she left her favourite bear on the bed . She even knew that the bear was from me, aunty Fyna , because Bby told her . " Ni auntie Fyna nye bear." Naughty Dahlia ! So , I took Dahlia's bear with me :D

Y These moments keeps repeating . I just want it to go on fine . Don't abuse me . Bby , I love you so much .

2008-12-15T20:11:00.000-08:00

I wasn't in the work schedule again , for this whole week ! Hahaha :D So , I told Reny that I wanna work today because i've got nothing better to do . I'm so bored staying home and rot ! I stayed home the whole day last Sunday and spent time crying at one corner of the bed . I'm emotionally broken )': I'm so lucky I have my girlfriends to slack with . So , I waste my time with them yesterday . It was great though . Planned to slack again today but i've got work . Probably slacking with them after work , yea .
Gemini
Today, you will become involved in an intellectual argument, but it might not be one worth having. Make sure you aren't just being contrary because you want to stir up some excitement or because you just don't like the other person very much. You don't have to go out of your way to be harmonious, but you also don't have to go out of your way to disagree with them. If they are wrong, just let them be wrong. It's really not worth the energy to try and change their mind.
I've got no idea , with whom I will have arguements with today :P

Y This is just another random edit of Bby . I couldn't figure out what's happening to us . My love for You , it is fading . Maybe because You have been missing in a while , and i've been going on with this wide fake smile on me . I've been waiting for like ,forever , for You to make every single things okay and give me back my fucking life ! Yea , i'm letting you free because I know you will only be gone in a while . Though You will only give me heartache , still , my life it belongs to You . It's 13 days to our 9th months . Please forget me . I Love You Bby , alot ..

2008-12-14T04:51:00.000-08:00

This was just a random edit . What matters is the ones in this picture , which totally rock my Saturday . Featuring Shida & Lucy baby ! :D Actually , it was my first time ever meeting Shida and i'm a so-shy person you know . But then, they really end the day so fine that we wish we could torn . Met Lucy's friend , Indra . He's such a gentleman that Shida likes him alot , seriously . Thanks for the drinks yea . Met Khairul which is also Lucy's friend . Omg I've got to say this , that he is so weird . Saw my schoolmates too , Musaa and Safwan (: Met Hanna . There's Aie too , my work friend . Hahaha ! Then , met Lucy's friend , Faz . Which things got a little bad afterwards , they were screened . I was smoking and Shida too . Shida throwed her ciggarette on the floor and she was one lucky girl, or she would have been fined . Okay , I miss them aldy and wish to meet again ! :D They're so amazing . I love them to the core , yea !

Not to forget Dart , who is going for a holiday today . Yea , Take Good Care or yourself little naughty boy! & actually , i'm gonna miss you friend:D

Y This is Bby and yea , I Love Him . Something about us doesn't seem right these day . I know the reason , exactly . And yea , I respect it but Bby , You really have to consider me too . I know that You can't spare much time for me with this fucked-up situation . Bby , I totally hate it this way so won't you please let me go ?! Set me free ?! Release me?! Still , You wouldn't agree going seperate ways . I could beg you on my knees , just like nothing would work ): Bby , don't you think it's weird living a life like this . I'd sacrifice just to make someone happy . All I want is one perfect relationship that will last as long as God let us be . Al least i'm greatful that I have You at all . But Bby , it's not fair ! Love is so blind , it looks right when it's not . I'm embarrassed of my own self ! And it's all because of You . You did this to me ! Where were you when I need you the most ?! I was screaming for You , do You even hear me ? No , You could only be here for me at certain times . Bby , I think that sucks! Just go on alright . I don't feel You here anymore . I'm so used to being alone , that now I feel like I don't need You anymore . You ask for this , didn't you ? Anw , thanks for the memories . Oh shit , I cried again . I Love You Bby , but we know we have to break this apart . I know it's hard but we've got to do this . Oh no , I can't do this )': You promised me that everything is gonna be okay , remember ? Maybe You should figure out what you actually need the most Bby . I Love You ..

2008-12-12T21:00:00.000-08:00

Days were so bored . Life sucks big time . Yesterday , slacked with girlfriends . Then , went home and planned to meet again at night . Was thinking too much until I cried , and went asleep . Crying in my sleep . Mum woke me up . Was so bored that I went all the way to Yew Tee just to meet Dart and it was already 8pm plus . I don't know how did I end up meeting him after months not seeing him . I guess i'm too stressed about my own boyfriend . Dart keeps on coming near and wants to hug me , but I kept pushing him away . He wants kisses and , NO. I was thinking about Bby too , when I was with Dart . Seriously , I want a break up but he seriously don't want to . I can't take it anymore .. At 10pm plus , went back to Semb and slack with girlfriends and some guys too . Drinked a bottle of Bacardi Breezer . It just tastes so great ! :D I'm not even drunked . Yea , reached home at 12am plus , going 1am . I cried again at night . tempers flaring and I complain it all to Khad because I know she was the only one who is still awake . Dart kept calling me fucking early in the morning but I reject him . Khad too , because I was crying . Okay , i'm talking shit ..

CUS' I DON'T HAVE THE MOOD TO FUCKING BLOG AT ALL !

Y Bby , I've got too much to say to you . Maybe , we really have to go our seperate ways because I couldn't take it any longer . Just take care of your family and forget about me . I'll be fine with that althought it won't heel when it heels too . I'd risk my all just to see you happy Bby . Let's break-up and don't say no , no more. So , please go on and just forget about me . Yea Bby . It hurts , I know .. Please , just leave me . I'm still here , looking for someone just like You . I Love You .

2008-12-10T23:39:00.000-08:00

Woke up early morning to buy school books today. Walked our way to Chong Pang to eat chicken rice :D Then , bought some adorable stuffs from pasar malam . I bought myself an Elmo and ez-link card sticker . Maia bought Marie playing card and the colourful cube game . Had Ice Kacang at Sun Plaza before going home .

Now , i'm at home . Actually , planned to go bowling yesterday and I was very happy . But , cancelled that planned . Okay whatever . Siti went to meet her boyfriend at Jurong because there's some problem . Then , Amirah met her MSN friend at Jurong too . So , Siti and Amirah will meet each other later . Now , i'm fucking sitting in front of this shit computer waiting for the fucking rain to stop and meet Fiee to slack . Okay , i'm kind of mad and lost now . I don't know why the hell , this shit ! Bby is being quiet . He must be damn busy with work and don't have time for me . He and that cheap fucker , prostitute ithcy pussy . Cb !

Yeasterday night , fought with Dart . WhatTheFuck ! He was so mad at me just because I feature Chak Qamal . I can't stand him so I throw vulgarities at him . Then he said sorry . I still don't give a fuck about sorry . He may begged me to forgive him . I've told him I won't forgive him . Okay , Fat Duck! Another cb , fuck my night off ! All these people can just Go To Hell or better off , GO AND DIE okay . Babi sial .

Gemini

Some totally flirtatious energy is blowing into your life like a thunderstorm today. All this flirting will light a fire under you that no social situation can contain! No one will be able to resist your cute remarks and your sassy one-liners, even though a couple of the more sober people you encounter will come close. But all in all, this is going to be a very fun day -- everyone loves to be complimented, and few people are as good at giving out compliments as you are.

That Guy up there , with the tongue out , is my Bby . He is 18 , he is my boyfriend , and I Love Him so much ! But , i've always been asking for a break-up but he refuses to let me go . He fucking don't want seperation . I fucking don't understand why because he already have two child . Okay , so everyone knows this and there's no more secret ! But , please shut your fuck up! After everything and all , we still made it to 8th months 10 days . But today , I FEEL LIKE ASKING FOR BREAK-UP AGAIN !!! Motherfucker .

2008-12-10T05:42:00.000-08:00

Went to meet Siti , Amirah and Fitra at Northpoint just now . Ate cheesefries , coleslaw and Mug Rootbeer with salt from KFC ! :D Idk why , but I just feel like eating them . After eating , settled somewhere to smoke and talk . Then , I feel like playing pool at Yishun Safra which is not far away . So yea , walked there and played two games . It was so great ! :D Then , Amirah had to go to work because she was already an hour late and her morning stuffs could only go home when she arrive . Then , Siti had to go home too because of her mother . Went seperate ways .. Siti accompanied me to buy some food , i'm hungry . Thought of eating Chicken Rice at IMM if I fetch Bby , but he's too busy with work and have littlest time for me): So , bought an apple pie from Mc Donalds because I haven't ate it for some time. Then , went to KFC again to buy food. "Shrooms burger Meal . Change the whipped potato to a coleslaw and upsize the coleslaw to a medium . Drinks , Mug Rootbeer. Can I have salt ? Takeaway please . Thanks." I actually just feel like eating coleslaw and it would be cheaper with the meal . So , bought the cheapest meal :D Then , headed home .
I was so mad at Dart ! He sends me a comment in friendster saying "dont fucking feature me anymore . dah feature chak palabuto kan. TAkE ME OUT FROM THERE!! " I don't understand him eversince a long time ago . Yea , Chak Qamal is my friend from friendster and we sends and reply comments alot . Chak Qamal featured me first and I'm his third. I kept thinking about featuring him back for quite some time because I know Dart don't like it . So , I just feature him and he is the last that was the fifth . But Dart just don't like it when he saw him in my profile . There , we started out a fight . This happens quite often until TODAY ! No , Dart is not even my boyfriend and I already have a boyfriend . So, Dart exchange my place with Vanity Chucky and that makes me the last in his featured friends . I don't even care . So I replied something like " I and Chak Qamal are friends . What's wrong with you ? Just take me out off you featured friends ! " OhMyGoddddddddddd !!! Okay , whatever the crap is .

Tomorrow , i'm going bowling ! :DDDDD

I've been reading daily horoscope for some time and I love it . So , planned to post it here each time I read it . So for those who's a Gemini , this is for you too! (:
You'll have patience in great quantities today, which makes now the perfect time for you to talk to someone who always tests it! If there has been a confrontation or a difficult conversation that you have been dreading, today is the day to finally go through with it. Patience gives you perspective, and this perspective will give you the bravery you've been lacking. But the best part of this day is that you'll soon discover that you had nothing to fear in the first place.

Y I miss you so much Bby .

2008-12-09T21:04:00.000-08:00

Didn't go to the Zoo yesterday because my god brother don't want too . He want to spend his last few moments at my home . He kept crying . Aww )': So , I went out with my friend instead . Thought of going JB but mum refuses to give me the passport because she's worried and afraid if I may not be back due to the unsafety there . So went to Sun Plaza with Amirah . I bought the christmas present and wrap it at another shop. It cost me like 18 bucks and it's fine . Then , had lunch at Mc Donalds . After eating , waited for Fitra and together we went off to FN to slack with Siti and Iqa . Had a little problem , so we talked about it . She's not the only one , i'm super-afraid too actually . Then , some irritating crap guys are being so nonscence . "Kental siak! " Later in the evening , I went off because I have to go Christmas Party . Took train to Ang Mo Kio and then a bus there . The Christmas Party was supposed to start at 8pm and I was expecting myself to be late because I reached 15 mins late . But the Christmas Party ended up starting at 9pm =.=' WhatTheFuckzxzxzx ! It started out with talking , like a meeting . Then , sang birthday song for those whos birthday falls on December . Ate and exchange gifts . That prostitute receive my present . I receive two . It's the chocolate Tobleron and a Tigger bear (: So adorable . Also received a cup and a small goodie bag . After the party and all , went to pierce Rahmah's tongue . Then , had to rush to Bby's place and I fucking took cab because i'm already late . It's already going 11pm . So , stopped at Siti's blk to give her the (SECRET!) stuffs . And borrowed her cardigans because Bby's gonna be mad like hell if he saw that i'm wearing the tubedress . Then , rushed to Bby's place . And yeah , Heaven Falls There :D Blablablabla .. Headed home at 1am plus .

Meeting Siti and Amirah later at NP Library . Then , probably meeting Bby if he ends work early .

2008-12-08T17:29:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Hari Raya Haji . My family and I didn't celebrate . As in , going to granny's place and all . We ate at home together . Later in the evening , went Safra for bowling . I can't believe mummy is good at it ! :D She was the secondth . After bowling , played pool . The game totally went wrong ! But still , it was great . I also applied for nEbO card . This card should be worth it because of the core benefits . & I could use it for three years ! :D After Safra , went KFC just to eat cheese fries and a couple of drinks .
Later at night , went home and out again . Couldn't sit still I guess. Went to Bby's place . I fucking miss him after a week plus not meeting him . So , yea . Talked and all . He make a promise again . I don't know what do I do now . I guesse , i'll let things happen first . TOTALLY BLANK ! Fuck that .

Today , probably going Zoo with family . Then at night , I have Christmas Party ! :DDD

2008-12-05T20:44:00.000-08:00

Last Friday was a working day . Moments before work sucks big time ! I walked around looking for cab because i'm damn late . Work starts at 2pm and I only got a cad at 2pm plus . WhatTheFuck . Was a hot day and there's so many people at the taxi stand . Then , reached work . Talked about the night before when we drinked . Funny :D
After work , went Lot 1 just to buy a dress from Vogue for my date . It cost me $33 and it's I love it . Then , went to Chinese Garden to meet Siti , her boyfriend , lutfi and some others . Then , they went jamming . Lutfi doesn't want to go in , then he asked me to accompany him . While waiting for their one hour jamming session , Lutfi bought himself Amsterdam . Then , Bacardi Breezer Peach for me . Sat down with him and drink . It was damn nice that I drank 3 bottles of it in an hour until I got drunk . Lutfi was being an ass again . He kept scolding me , grabbing me , squeeze my cheeks and my jaw was so painful . We kept quarelling especially when I was drunk . I don't know why is that so .Then , he will comfort me . I couldn't do much because i'm weak and he is strong . Cabbed home and reached home minutes after midnight . Thanks Lutfi for taking care of me when I was drunk that night :D

Yesterday sucks . Bby said we're going on a date . I put my dress on and got ready even before he tell me what time are we meeting . I waited for him the whole day but he wasn't here . I ended up slacking with girlfriends and their hot neighbour . WhatTheFuck . Fiee told me he saw him skating . So I called , and yes he said he's skating . Then , he said he's having a problem . So yea , whatever it is . I cried alot yesterday . I'm very upset . Everyone ask me to break-up . All this while , I didn't know that they do care for me . I'm so touched . I'm so confused , I don't know what to do . I've asked for break-up uncountlessly but he just won't release me . I don't understand why . He even scold me because I asked for break up .
"are we still together ? sampai hati abg buat ayg gini. i still held on to your promises. after all these times that we had, do i really deserve this? you said we're going out on a date. i bought a dress for the"date" and i waited for you the whole day. but you totally forget about me )': why don't you wanna let me go? but why? you don't love me. i'm sorry i can't be perfect. but i've tried my best to keep our relation strong and stay here with you ,because I Love You. please consider me bby cus it hurts, it really do. where are you? please reply. i miss you )':
Love, Fyna"
I reached home and mum nags at me , so I fucking shouted back at her . I scold my god-brother. Replied rudely to my niece . Early in the morning , raised voice at mum . Scolded my elder brother . Then , my niece ask me " asal kau macam moody . asek marah-marah je" . Then only I realised . This must be because of Bby .

Today , slacked with Siti and Shahzaly , Iqa and Haris . Shahzaly bought Carlsberg and yea , drank but not drunk . A can only , please . Was a short day . Siti's having a little problem at home . Then , she quarelled with Shahzaly .

Y Bby want me to wait for him until he makes every single things right . Why do you want me so much ? Why don't you want to break up no matter what ? No matter what I say , You will still not let me go . I don't understand why . Thing just don't seem to get better . It hurts me more . I couldn't take it anymore . I'm being so patience all these while and i'm hurting myself . I Love You Bby . Will you please make things better than it ever was . You doesn't seem to care about me . Then , WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO GO SEPERATE WAYS! It felt like , the end of this world because I Love Bby the most . This feels like the weight of the whole world. Again , I am still waiting for miracles to happen . My dream , I hope it won't just be a dream . Bby , please...

2008-12-04T19:12:00.000-08:00

PHOTOGRAPHY.

These pictures are fresh from camera . They're not edited .

Last Wednesday , met Khad , Iqa , Lutfi & Shah . Slacked till late night . Yea , laughed alot ! Then , walked all the way to Sun plaza to buy drinks . On the way there and back , Lutfi was being an ass ! He kept disturbing me and others too . He scares me with stuffs and pulled my bikini . He said something is following me everywhere . He's talking about my shadow =.=' Hahaha :D Lutfi bought two Baron which contains 5% alcohol . One for me and another one for the couple , Siti & Shah . He bought Amsterdam for himself which contains more alcohol . And two redbull . One for me and one for him . Lutfi , thanks for the big treat :D Then , went back to slack and drink . Lutfi just can't stop talking . It's night and dark . Siti was already drunk after a few sip due to her body condition . Then , played taiti with some stupid rules after every game . But before playing , Lutfi forced me to drink more . So I fucking drag, but I couldn't take it . I'm glad i'm not drunk because they might ask me do anything as forfeit . I kept saying " Cantek Muke Kau!" .The winner of the game can ask the loser to do just about anything as told . Being open , we have to obey to rules . So yea , I lose several games and I have to do some KaninaCheebyeFuckzxzxzxz stuffs . Siti need to do something , worst . But glad , with her own boyfriend . (Those forfeit's will not be stated here due to underage readers) :P Macam Paham , Hahaha!!! Half-way , I felt like peeing! Then they ask me to pee somewhere behind the bush . WTF . Iqa accompanied me to toilet . Yea , Thanks Alot :D Then , a dog came nearer which scares everyone there . So we have to pause the game several times. Lutfi Paling Takot ! Very Funny :DDD 2+ am , I headed home because mum was looking for me . She couldn't sleep . Pity her . Walked my way back , saw mummy half-way. So I ran to her and we walk home . Mum keeps nagging . He said I can get raped . Bads might follow me back home . Blablabla ...

Yesterday , I went to many places! First, went to visit grandparent because my grandma's sick . Before that , fetch my god-brother at Eunos . Then went to grands place at Pasir Ris . 5+ , went to Yishun to meet Amirah . Planned to go Safra but i'm already late plus the rest have not reached yet . So went ljs to have dinner with Amirah . Fitra came and join us for a while . After eating , smoke and I have to went off .

Went to Kallang to meet Reny , Remy and Rahmah . They've booked hotel earlier . For one night . Reached there at about 9pm . Accompanied Remy for his dinner . Then , waited for pay in front of the POSB machine . Hahaha ! Desperate for money because we wanna DRINK ! :D While waiting , drinked Tiger which contains 5% Alcohol , smoke , talk , pranked Reny's boyfriend back . Hahaha . We took turn to check pay . Then , got pay at around 11.15pm .

Was damn happy ! Everyone ran to POSB machine to withdraw money. Hahaha ! Then went to 7 Eleven . Me , Reny & Rahmah shared money and bought a big bottle of Girl which contains 25% alcohol . The bottle is nice , the smell is nice but the taste sucks more than the others . Hahaha . Dragged our Tiger but I couldn't finish . I vomit half-way . Left with less than a quarter though . Then , Rahmah vomit too :D Cabbed to the hotel . There were so many prostitute standing by the road waiting for costomer . WTF! Then , infront of our hotel , there's two eurasian prostitute . GileBabi sial . Okaylaa , Hot :D

Checked in , pee-ed . But the toilet door could see tru . Hahaha . Rahmah accompanied me twice to the toilet because i'm scared . Thanks Rahmah :D Then , drinked . Tried Remy's Jim Beam . It was damn nice ! Smoke , eat chocolate and subway cookies. Talked and laughed alot . Reny was damn highhh because she drinked alot . So she kept talking crap and laughed . Called her boyfriend repeatedly. I was shock when she called her boyfriend .

" Reny , kau brani sial call matae kau tgh minom gini . Kalau aku , aku rase die datang pat sini jugak aku kene tempeleng , kene bantai sial ! "

Reny , da kes rabak . Remy was sitting at one corner , I think's he's okay . Rahmah was lying on the bed , a bit high like me . Hahaha . Blablabla . Then before we went off , Rahmah poured a jug of water over Reny . She was wet and the bed too . Crazyyy but damn fun (:

Reny and Remy cabbed home . Then , me and Rahmah looked for cab . While walking , a man asked if we wanna buy ciggarette . Then , another man asked us if we wanna work . WTF! Jadi pelacor pe . Lek sua ! Wasn't comfortable walking there . Rahmah vomit in the cab . Lucky the taxi driver was okay. Yea. Reached home safely :D

2008-12-02T23:20:00.000-08:00

Last night Dart messaged me (: What a big secret ! If Bby finds out , i'm dead . At least I know I won't dumb Bby for him cus' I only love Bby (: I was crying and crying until he messaged me . He wanted to hear my voice but all I said was " I'm not in the mood to talk ." Yea .

Cried again today because of Bby . Was fucking mad , hell yeah ! Haven't met him for so longgg. Couldn't take it anymore because I miss him . He's too busy with work that he doesn't have time for me ): Sometimes I wish he quit that Cisco work of his, because he've been working too much . Talked on the phone for a while during his break-time . Then he started talking with his friend about ...... SOCCER !!! Whoa , WhatTheFuckzxzxzxz ! Some shit tournament coming or something . I WON'T LET HIM GO . Hmph ! Then he said he's gonna call me back , all because of soccer ! So , I just hung up the damn phone . Very mad okay . & there I started crying )': Pathetic okay , I know . What he said was , we're going on a date this Saturday . YEAYS ! :D

Probably going Sembawang Park tomorrow with Amirah , Fiee and Fitra . Hopefully Khad could come along too . Wanted to drink again :D
Next week , going JB with Amirah . Not sure if Fiee and Fitra could make it . Hopefully they could .
This Friday is Pay Day ! Oh, I can't wait .
Now , waiting for Maia to come over and we're gonna watch the movie she bought yesterday . Later at night , not sure if Bby ends work early . I wish I could meet him today . Or , i'm going to meet friends to slack . Or , just saty home and rot !

2008-12-02T04:47:00.000-08:00

I AM FUCKING NOT IN THE MOOD RIGHT NOW !
Met Maia just now because she want to print booklist and i have the copy . Then , met Khad because she wants to borrow my make-ups . Slacked for a while . Accompanied Maia to NTUC for some stuffs . Then , to a CD shop . She bought a movie and planned to watch it tomorrow at my place . So yea , looking forward to it .

I was feeling crazyyy today . In fact, now . I don't know what the hell i'm up to . I was so fucked up . PISSED OFF ya know ! & so I cried . I don't know what do I call this feelings i'm having in me . It's about Bby . Yea , glad that he messaged me yesterday and today too . Can't meet him yesterday because he have to meet some shit people . Today , he was damn busy with work and ends work late . So yea , can't meet him today to . I haven't met him for 5 fucking days . Boleh naik gila siaaaaaa ! Kanina Cheebye ! )': Being in this situation , it's a low chance that this relationship lasts . Although he told me he loves me so much and I love him too . Still , it just won't work this way . I can't stand this pain . It's hurting me sooooooo much . Only God knows how it feels like . Commit Suicide . I feel like jumping down from the highest storey ! I feel like swallowing dozens of pills . I feel like stabbing myself repeatedly . I'm better off been dead . OhMyGod. I'm sorry ):

Y I think too much . I wanna break up , for your sake . I wanna break up! I wanna break up! But there you were begging me please don't go . Telling me you need , you've found the right someone and you just can't live without me . Well , I need you too . But i'm not satisfied with these shitxzxzxz . I've done everything that you wish , for your sake . It hurts but I am pretending to be willingly grant your wish. Now , i'm left with nothing cus i've left my something . You were still where you were and you have me too . I can't take it anymore . Bby , ITS NOT FAIR !!! )': Because of Love , I will still wait in great pain and still holding on to the promise you made when I cried in your arms that day . Oh , will somebody please rescue me ? )':

2008-11-30T04:46:00.000-08:00

Today , I was an emo ! One complete emo shit , soreloser fuckzxzxzxz ! Listening to Jiwang songs. Hahaha , WhatTheHell ? So basically , I miss Bby . I can't wait for tomorrow . I hope he will message me tomorrow , early in the morning when he goes work . Yea . I'm working tomorrow too . And it's the only day i'm working this week . Plus , work starts at 2pm . Okay , i'm too much . I'm lazyyy . Can't wait for pay day . That will be this coming Thursday ! Gonna have fun , drink again and forget everything :D
Yesterday was our 8th months anniversary and Bby's missing with valid reason (: That makes me cry though . Cus' he wasn't here to say I Love You on the sweetest place on Earth . Err ): At least I know where he went to . That's good enough . But still , I can't take living life this way . I actually wants to break up , cus I don't want to be the one who breaks everything apart . He rejects that once . It's foolish to try again when I know I just can't survive without him and he just won't let me go . Vandalised a little note for Bby with eyeliner and lipstick somewhere near he lives (: Hahaha , was crazy in Love i guess .

Slacked with Fiee Bby and Khad just now . Was feeling so hungry but we're totally broke . All we ate was plain prataaaaa . Pathetic , I know . But yea , very sweet . I know :D Played taiti , smoke , talk and all . Then , headed home ! Now , blogging . Computer is getting slow . It's fucking irritating !

Okay Bye Dear Readers .

2008-11-29T22:44:00.000-08:00

Y Happy 8th Months Annivassary Bby . I've got so much to say but things just won't change . I'm still waiting . In great pain , I still held on to your promises . Please make it better than it ever was . I almost fall out of Love , but I still Love You like I always do . There's something in you that says you won't put me in danger (': Everything in You makes my heart spin crazily. My life Bby , it belongs to you . So take me with you .

2008-11-28T07:43:00.000-08:00

Today was just fine though the most important thing is missing ; Bby . I don't know where the hell he is . I fucking hope he's doing good , not like I am . Cus , the last message was "Abg tkle jmpe ayg ah..abg nk kene g p0lice stati0n ah..abg sori..batt abg nk flat nie..tkya msg..." , and that was last night . It got me so worried about him . Oh God , please save him from any bads )': SHIT !!! I have to cry again and again, I really have to . It felt like , i'm ready to let you go . After all of this time that I tried , so hard . Oh , please take my life away . I can't do this anymore )':

Just reached home . Painted half of my room . Then , accompanied Fiee to buy a cake from Coffee Bean for her beloved Rakin. Had dinner . Met Khad and her beloved Shahzaly. Slacked . Bought Carlsberg and Redbull. Drank . Not drunk , but my stomach feels like it's spinning . Now , it feels better . Oh no , I just broke a promise again . I drank without him . If he knows , he's gonna beat the shit out of me ! But actually , I don't care anymore . I'm gonna do whatever I feel like doing until he does what he is supposed to . That will be fucking months later .. Yea , I don't quite understand what's happening )': Then , Rakin and friend came . Fiee and Rakin was adorable just now . Hahaha . Slacked , and headed home .

2008-11-27T08:50:00.000-08:00

I am so fucking tired with life . I am so bored with all these things around me . These things i'm going through . These hurting things . These really really hurting things. These things that bothers my mind . These things that make me cry all the time .
So actually , I had a little problems with a friend . & I don't expect anyone else to interfere with this . SHIT YOU ! Trying so hard to be okay again (:
Then , had problem with my elder sister . Quarrelled. I'm sorry . My mum called me scolded me . She doesn't know anything . Cried . But , things should be just fine now .
Problems at work . The manager is excepting that fat bitch again . So basically , everyone is not happy . Had a little quarell after work . Manager was mad , so he fucking raised his voice. Hell yeah ! Then it got everyone mad . Words shooting at everyone , everywhere . He said if we resign , the most he's gonna work harder. It's a sad thing to hear though .
Those fucked up kids who've been calling home , disturbing my mum . Scolded vulgarities to my mum. Sprayed my door , last time . and so on ... You guys are so going to be dead. Damn You !

& obviously , still having problem with Bby . This never-ending problem . This , that hurts the most . This most fucking thing that ever happen in my life . It's the worst thing that I couldn't even imagine . Sometimes, I wish I didn't get to know you at all you didn't get to know me at all and we didn't even get to see each other at all . But Bby , no matter what happens I will always love you . I fucking left my friends for you . And if you fucking leave me , then i'm so fucking gonna be dead . Yea , maybe i'm better off been dead . In pain , I still held on to your promises. I miss you , Love.

*Looking forward to the upcoming events (:
*This Sunday , there's Leo Dinner . I'm not sure if I am going . Hopefully I am . I don't know what to wear for it . So , I have to search my closet .
*This Thursday is pay day ! :D Reny and Rahmah is going to sleep over at hotel . Probably Jasmine too . We're gonna drink and have fun. I hope Bby would allow me to torn ! :D
*The 9th of December , it's my elder sister's and Rahmah's Birthday . Then , there will be a Christmas party . I should buy something as a present . I'm not sure what will it be . Everyone have to wear white . I'm gonna buy a white dress and probably some nice shoe too . So that means , I'M GONNA GO SHOPPING !!! :D
*Someday in December , Bby and his band , Akaelea , gonna perform in Gig or something like that. He ask me to bring some friends as their fans . Not quite confirmed though .

2008-11-26T20:16:00.000-08:00

Y Bby, things still aren't right yet . I can't believe Love is so haunted . Bby , it's hurts me alot , it really do . But , I will wait for you . Like I said , I just got tired of pretending i'm happy . This fake wide smile on my face ! Love is blind . It looks right when it's not. Please make this end as soon as possible . I just want my happy life again , with you . I want a break-up , but you don't want to . Bby , I Love You more than you even know .
Yesterday , I was trying to be happy with you . I looked at you and tried to control my emotion . I can't take it anymore and so i broke down and cried . I could feel how much i'm not a part of you . But then , I give you a smile and everything was okay again . When actually , it's not .

2008-11-26T18:33:00.000-08:00

Hello Again Dear :D To be honest , i'm Hell Yeah ! So happy to hear that you missed me too (:
Yes , I was saying you backstabbed us in the previous post . I've never hate you before until I knew that you backstabbed us . And plus , I've never backstab you . I Swear To God . I don't do that to my friends , unless they are that worst . You're seriously not bad . But I didn't believe you would get that far , to that state . For that , you don't expect us to keep quiet right ? So we were letting everything out to each other .
How are we able to share our problems when we doesn't have the time to spend time every single day . We all live in Sembawang , each other didn't even have the innitiative to plan days to meet . Even for the shortest while . In other words , it's everyone's mistake for this . My problems , I don't share them because I don't feel like it . Even if I did shared , like it's gonna be bothered . Yes , you should be surprised that my boyfriend is more important . I've never found a true friend in life , honestly . My boyfriend is there for me more often than anyone else . Although i'm at my weakest , and plus , we're still not in good condition until today ! Like , who even knew about it ? Seriously , I think it's difficult to have girlfriends . Girlfriends had fights often . But still , I appreciate every single one of them , even you .
About you and Khad , maybe it's true she said that to you . But you shouldn't have post it here . She might be embarrassed okay . That's her family matter , and your'e stating it here . Yes , you helped her . But saying " Don't Have The Innitiative to Return Stuffs . " "Everything Is Mine and stuffs .. " I think that might hurt her . But actually , this is you blog and you can post just about whatever you like to . I agree to that and I respect it .
Whatever the thing is , I pity Eliya when you said those in your caption . "I'm always showing that finger to her" " I love her more than her" "Her One Dollar back" and blablabla .. So if you said that you didn't mean it , then you're trying to say it's my mistake too . So yea , I'm sorry (:
Seriously , I don't know who's that anonymous Fuck . Sorry on behalf of him/her , idk . Not my friend , please . And yes , you did insulted some of us . You backstabbed us too . What's up with that . And to that someone You Fucking called me and my friends MINAH ?! When infront of us , you smiled wide like cheebye! Muke pecah ! Rambot macam bulu pepek , sial . Sundal . Palat. Daa isap konek , aku bilang semua orang baru tau ! See , I didn't find fault , and I ain't no Fucked up Minah . They're just jealous and they put words to describe us . Whatever , I don't care . Like they even know what is Minah . I don't play shirts and I didn't even bevahe like them .
The background , I'm the one who created it . I didn't put you there because of whatever you did . & for that , I thought you're not part of us . I swear I didn't insult you until I knew what you did . That was also because i'm angry . See, I don't understand peoples . And it would took me time to understand every girls .
Stop talking about money .
So fine , Thanks for wishing (:

2008-11-24T18:02:00.000-08:00

Photography.

This is SHINOS , my darlings . I love them to the core , yes i really do. We just need time to be close again (: All of us are busy with our own stuffs . Shinozy is away , not in Singapore . I miss her. Shinoya is missing , I don't quite know where have she been to . We haven't met for ages . Yes , I miss her too . I miss Shinomi . I miss Shinory . I miss Shinovi . I miss them all! :D Shinolly , I actually miss you too and those times we had together . The talks , the laughters and all . But I can't believe you're that bad , that wayyy bad . PLEASE READ THIS ; back at you dear .

Being a part of SHINOS and what you call ourselves friends ? Well , I don't think so . I don't think you even treat us like what you call it ; Friends . Because if you're really a friend , you don't behave the way you did . I agree that we are not close to each other , equally . But you should understand and get this to your head that some of us aren't like some of us . Or I should say some of us aren't like you instead . Why are you being so selfish ? As a friend , would you please understand each others position . Please .
Talking about going home earlier and stuffs . Yes , I did go off earlier during our one and only hari raya. I met my boyfriend and I have too because we're not in a good condition . So what i'm trying to say is , we had to settle stuffs . Do you even know what i'm going through , my life ? No , and there you go talkingtalkingtalking. And obviously , he is so much more important than everyone else in this whole wide world because I Love Him too much . I admit :D & you as friend should support me instead . Like , "Hey Girls , I'm Meeting My Bby! " And I was expecting " Oh Great Dear , Have Fun . Miss You & Takecare. " =.='
So , it's me who should have asked you what you asked us . " You call this Friends ?"
I'm super dissapointed with you , dear Sapikapikapika . Whatever you wrote about Khad in your blog. I believe , you as the closest to her , living side-by-side, should understand her state more than everybody , financially . You shouldn't have wrote in your blog about her parents , not earning too much . I think it's bad . Don't even lie that you're sincere enough . Because if you are , you wouldn't have talked about her in your blog . You should ask her politely to return your stuffs instead. Don't act like you're that rich , telling her to save pocket money because I think she know well what she should do . As friends , I think sharing stuffs is exciting . Sapika , you're arrogant , insolent , insolently proud . You really are. Fine you can say that's your personality and we should accept you for who you are .
PLUS . I really hate those captions of your picture in friendster . The one about Eliya . I swear to God it's hurting . I can't believe you would say all that .
But you, talking about each and everyone of us , SHINOS . Should we accept that too ? Well , I don't think so . For that , I don't think you deserve us , friends , and everyone . Don't talk like you're perfect because no one is . Don't say that you're stating and saying what you feel about us because you're not . That's totally not opinion , that's insult . You hear me? INSULT ! You even talked about your own friend , the one you said you love so much to other people . (I will not say who.) Yes , you backstabbed almost all . I know , you even talked about me . I'm being good and kept silence . I didn't confront you because I truly understand that you talked bad things about all of your own friends . But let me admit that I FUCKING CURSED YOU ! Why are you so Bitch ?
SHINOS D a r l i n g s ' Friendster , I'm the one whom edit the whole profile , and the background too . I wasn't happy with you at all . So I omit your photo . & I'm sorry I typed your birth date wrongly . It was my mistake and every human-beings made mistake . Please okay .
I'm glad you said that you have better friends . Please just stop talking about them too so they will stay there for you . As for us SHINOS , we're out of you. We've got enough being treated badly . And yes , Thanks for every single shit you did :D You're the best person in history and I miss you . Don't say last long to us sarcasticly because we will , insya'allah .
So Long & Goodbye to you too . Mwahs! ~

Y Bby , I'm so mad at you . I told you to just move on . You wouldn't . I finally realise how much you Love me . & I love you too :D Yesterday was the suckiest day of my life ! Bby , i'm giving you all the time you need. Please get rid of all this and give me back my life . All I want is a preety life with you . When you're done , May we live happily ever after . Bby , I Love You . Mwahs! ~

2008-11-23T07:33:00.000-08:00

Photography

Edit SHINOS friendster . Then, slacked with Fiee and Khad . Talked about many things, almost everything . Yea , I miss them already (:

Walked passed Bby's block several times. Look up the fourth storey , Bby's bedroom window each time I walked pass there . The first time , he's light in the room is switched on . So I know he's at home and it didn't got me so worried about him like before. The secondth time , someone's peeping down . He hides his head in the moment I look up. The glimpse of him , I think it's Bby with the hair and everything . The third time , that whoever is still there . I couldn't see well because he's blocked with a danggg-big-tree . I really think it's Bby because his room was totally dark when that person is at the corridor. Hahaha :D When we walk further , he went back in the house . Then , the light of tv could be seen through the opaque window . So , Bby must be watching tv until he sleeps for work tomorrow . Goodnight Bby , I wish you could hear me (:

If that's really him , and watching me from above . I would be happy because he's at home and not somewhere else . But i'm gonna get a good scolding from him for going out . That sucks !

Y I miss Bby too much . I don't know where the hell he is . Okay , fine . He's not working and he ain't got no handphone. He can't contact me . But Bby , you're in deep shit with me ! I'm mad and i'm gonna bite your cheeks off when we meet ! Oh Bby , You make me go RAWRRR! Actually you're save that you msg-ed me yesterday . Bby , You nearly make me wanna leave you )': This stupid things in my head is just for a moment . Bby , you're an idiot ! You're my cute idiot . Bby , I Love You . Bby , why'd you got me worried about you. Bby , I fucking miss you !

2008-11-21T03:55:00.000-08:00

I'm fucking bored right now ! Waiting for Bby since just now . Bby makes me go RAWRRRRR! Bby , i'm so mad at you . & for sure , you owe me hugs and kisses for this :D

I'm not sure if i'm meeting Bby today . Again , just like yesterday . Fucksxsxsxsx !

2008-11-20T22:05:00.000-08:00

PLEASE READ THIS * If you came to read here , please Tag . Let me repeat myself again , TAG NOT SPAM SORELOSER ! And if you're under my links , please inform me if you have changed or deleted your blog . It's irritating oke . If you want me to link you , tell me too . Thanks (:

Yesterday , went Sentosa with Ex-Sps mates . I'm late again and again (: The day started real bad . Had a fight with mummy then a little misunderstanding with Bby . So , I was crying my way to Vivo . Feeling a little good then . Had lunch at Banquet . Then , proceed to Sentosa . Reached Siloso beach . Swimming , Blablabla and everything. Yea , it was damn great . Half of us went off first . I don't understand why =.=' After Sentosa , had dinner at ljs at Causeway point. Slacked at Sembawang with Eezy , Amirah , Yan & Zul . Still , wasn't in a good condition with Bby . I'm not in that 'oohlala' mood . So , didn't meet Bby.

Feeling fucking bored right now ! Waiting for Bby to finish work . That will be about 7pm . Hours from now ! I can't wait to meet Bby . I regretted not meeting him yesterday . I miss him aldy . Gonna have dinner again with him tonight. Yeays ! :D
Oh , i'm fuckingggggggg boredddddddd !

Y Bby , I'm sorry about yesterday and last night . I thought i'm going to let you go . I can't control my feelings . I still Love you like I always do . Mwahs! ~

2008-11-17T02:01:00.000-08:00

Saturday ; 15th November .

Met Bby in the afternoon . Had lunch at Long John Silver , Causeway Point . Spent our last minutes together . He sent me to Kranji where I met mum and niece . Then , off to Malaysia. City Square for lunch and shopping . Haven't had enough of it yet . I still wants to buy Shoe and Bag . That's important :D Went around . Had dinner at Danga Bay . Went dad's house . Yeah , very big . I missed it aldy (:

Sunday ; 16th November .

The next morning , mum woke me up very early in the morning . Get ready and off for breakfast . After that , back to Singapore . Stayed home until late afternoon . Went out with niece to print pictures (: Then , slacked with Eezy and Amirah . Very funny . & to Eezy Baby " Cheer Up ! :D " Later at night , met Bby . Had Dinner . In the middle of it , met Khad to pass her some ciggarettes . Then , went to Bby's place . *lalalalala .. Headed home and reached at 12am .

Today , didn't go work because I have to clear everything in my closet . I don't have time for work because my cousin will come to dismantle the closet in the afternoon . Removed everything and put it boxes temporarily . Help with my brother's closet since he's in NS . Tidy up the whole mess since both my sister left the house . It tooks me hours . Very tired bodoh ! Now , eveyrthing is dismantled , that's why I have time to blog (: Can't wait for new closet. Before that , have to paint the room . Not sure what will the colour be . Then , I want a new sofa bed ! :D

Now , waiting for Bby to finish work. I'm meeting him later . Yeays !

Mummy loves my brother too much . She loves him more than me , us . She didn't know he have a tattoo .

Photography

Grabbed this from Alfie's Akaelia Album . E'eh si Gemok nie :D

Y Bby , I can't explain how much I love you . I can't put them in words . But Bby , I really do love You, and You should know that's true (: You saw the little note aldy . Bby , it's just about having you around that makes me smile .

2008-11-14T20:43:00.000-08:00

Yesterday , went causeway point with Eezy , Siti & Amirah just to buy Tokoyaki at pasar malam :P Hahaha . After that , all of us went seperate ways . Siti headed home because she can't go back late . Amirah headed home later . Eezy went to meet Alif then off to Zoo because it's Siew Qi's birthday . They celebrate after work . I waited for Bby for so long . Met him at about 7 plus . Headed to Ang Mo Kio and cab-ed to Vivo from there . Planned to watch movie but then the timing are all too late . We might not catch the last train back home and there will be midnight charge if we cab-ed home . So had dinner at Banquet (: Then , sat , smoke , talk by the sea/river or whatever they call it . Quarelled because Bby wanted to give me 50 bucks but i didn't take it . Then he took out 100 bucks because i'm going Malaysia and he ask me to shop there . I still didn't accept the money . NO WAY ! Told him i don't like it that way and plus he bought stuffs , food and ciggarette for me . That's more than enough because he doesn't want to accept money from me for my own stuffs .Then , cab-ed to Bby's house since it's not 11.30 yet and there will not be any midnight charge . Rest , talk , smoke , blablabla . Went off at 3am in the morning . He sent me home. Reached home , wash-up and everything . Slept (:

Today , will be going Dad's house until tomorrow . Bby hoped I didn't go . Hahaha . Meeting Bby soon before Malaysia (:
Takecare .

2008-11-11T15:21:00.000-08:00

Monday ; 10th October .
Went Jurong East Swimming Complex with Fiee , Eezy , Amirah and Liza . Bby didn't allow me to go at first . I plead him , begged him for permission until he let me :P Thanks Bby . After that , met Bby at Lakeside . Went IMM to have dinner . Then , back to Sembawang to slack . Mummy saw us , holding hands while walking out of Canberra Park . Hahaha .

Yesterday , went work and finish real early . Rushed my closing because I want's to meet Bby early . Met and spent time together . Sent me home .

Today , damn early in the morning went to Bby's place . Reached home at about 6 am . Mummy's awake (: Play Computer . And now , heading out for school ! :D

Y After the truth and all . Though it hurts sometimes . Bby , I'm thinking of You . I'm in love with you. I'm happy that I ever have You at all . I'm glad that i'm blessed again to have You in my life. I'll always remember all the strength You gave to me. Oh , I owe so much to you . Bby , I'll risk my life for You . You're in crisis with her , good luck on that . I'll accept your little princess , yes I will Bby (: I Love You , I really do . I know it ain't easy loving me . Just keep loving me the way that I love you .
Bby said " Nie anak You nye kerja uh , patahkan IC I. "
Hahaha .

2008-11-08T19:32:00.000-08:00

Yesterday ; went out with Bby . He fetched me at my place then we fetched Alfie at Bishan . After that , went Peninsular Plaza to eat because he's damn hungry . Then waited for Wan , another band members at City Hall area . There , shit happens . And so i cried )': Dart messaged me and i have to show Bby . Dart was mad because I didn't go out with him , but I go out with Bby instead . Bby secretly took Dart's number and left the place we're sitting . I didn't know that he called Dart until Dart gave me a missed call on my phone . Bby told me everything about what he spoke to Dart . Dart started throwing vulgarities at Bby. I kept telling Bby , he's that type of person . Even me , he scold me almost everyday . So Dart , it's your fault again . You have to watch your mouth . Why do you throw vulgarities at him ?! Then , Bby said he's gonna break my Sim card ): Things gone a little fine until we reached Citylink . Bby checked the messages in my hp . He got really fucked upon most of the messages Dart sent to me , talking BAD about Bby . This is what i've been keeping a secret , I dare not tell Bby . Afterall , it's my fault but because i'm scared . Bby scolded me for keeping quiet about what he said and all . So Bby scolded me until i cry ): I said i'm sorry and told him i'm scared . He told me I'm lucky because if he's like last-time , he have beat me up. I see he's mad , he punch the wall and stares at me . Later at night , Dart message me again . I was still with Bby and he asked me to reply in front of him saying " Please don't message me anymore" . "I don't want to lose my Guy" . "I'd rather lose you" . and stuffs . Then , Dart said something that really got me mad . He said he have got what he wants . Like , WTF ? What the hell have he gotten from me ?! I felt like crying , i'm really sad . Then , at 4 am plus in the morning . Dart's bro called me and wanted to talk with Bby . So , they talked . Oh please , no fights . You see , i didn't tell lies . But now, the truth hurts . There'll be fights because of me . I told Bby to stop . But he said , it's too late . Oh FUCKKKK!!!!!!!! )':

Then , Kiwi called me but I didn't pick up . Then Bby asked me to message him the same thing too . " Please don't message me anymore ." I'm sorry Kiwi , though you're just my Bestfriend . I can't be in contact with a single guy . Not even friend's boyfriend . Not even friend .
Then , Bby's gonna buy me a new simcard and gonna break my current simcard . I can't have a single guy . Aye Bby , All For Love .

And to both Dart and Kiwi , i've told you earlier that i'm in love with Halil. (who was my ex) I didn't lie about a single thing . Both of you know well about each other . Now , it's Bby's turn to know about you both . And he's against it . I'm sorry . And please , Yes he have a child but that doesn't affect our relationship today. This will be the last goodbye .

Tomorrow's Dart's birthday . We planned to go Zoo but too bad . I'm sorry Dart , I can't go see the animals with you . He have bbq today and he wants me to come along . I'm sorry again Dart. Afterall , it's still your fault . Happy Birthday Dart , Fatty , Duck, Bin , Duckbin , Dustbin , Gemooooooook (':

Followed Akaelea for their jamming session. Then , torn-ed outside raffles hospital . Took a 30 minutes nap . Then at 6 plus , took train back to Sembawang . Went to Bby's place and slept for a while. Then , went Home .

2008-11-07T20:05:00.000-08:00

Haven't blogged for quite a while . I've got no time to . Yea .
Yesterday , Met Kiwi . Went Marina and had lunch at KFC :D Saw Sarah , Freyda , Kin & Ikhwan . Headed to Town . Talked . Starbucks-ed . Home.

Y Bby , Thanks for scolding me for what I wear . I promise I won't wear it again . And yeah , as you said ; not even to under-the-void-deck . I'm really sorry . & yea Bby , things are still complicated . Why is that so ? When can I get my life again ? It's been months . 7th months + . I'm still not sure about my status now . Bby I will wait for you . It's possible Fyna . Oh God , give me strength . I Love You .

2008-11-05T07:02:00.000-08:00

Photography.

Saturday ; 1st November 2008.
Went granny's place at Pasir Ris early morning because there is 'kenduri aruah' . After that , went Chinese Garden to meet Siti , her boyfriend and his friends. I'm with my Niece and it's already night. I have to pretend to be Netty for some reason. So yea , take a walk at chinese garden. It's a nice place , really . Slacked at lakeside and all until late night . Took cab home because there's no more train . Reached home at about 1pm . I got Bby , Kiwi , Mum & Dad mad at me .

Sunday ; 2nd November 2008.
Planned to go swimming but i canceled it . I made a good decision indeed because it rained in the afternoon :D So , slacked with Amirah and Eezy before home .

Monday ; 3rd Novermber 2008.
Went to work with Eezy at the new Restaurant. I miss work because I have not been going work for like a month plus. The playland was beautiful ! As usual , there's little customer because hell yeah , Weekdays ! :D People disturb me the moment I entered kitchen . "Kurang Ajar betol Korang!" Hahaha .

Tuesday ; 4th November 2008.
Work starts at 2pm but I didn't attend it because Bby overslept and didn't go work too . So met him . I did cried and tried so hard to hide my face . I can't take it . It's hurting me . Was glad that I met him though :D

Today ; went work and was late again . Well , i'm always late when actually work starts at 2pm. Hahaha . After work , went Sembawang to meet Khad to claim ciggarette . WTF ? She's with Amirah . Treat her bubble tea before home (: This chinese guy pissed me off the moment i went online. He talks Dirty-Shit things with me . I don't like it . So , I blocked him and delete him off .
Somebody , Fuck the shit out of him up-side-down . Boy , I hope Satan Fucks you in the eye before you die . Takecare . Okay it's already late night . I could hear the 'creaking' sound of the swing from the park . Kinda scares me now.

In memories of us ; Sembawang Park . 4th November 2008..
Y Seeing You Bby , it puts a smile on my face . It really do . But whenever I think of You & the truth , it just brought me down . & so i cried . It doesn't matter anymore , whether you're here of not . It hurts Bby , You know that. I fake the widest smile everywhere I go. I hope You could change this just like how You changed my world . I Love You , & I could accept your little Princess Dahlia Eryziana . For , how long You wish to have me with you . Bby , i'm still waiting . I'm so tired of being here . I Love You.

2008-10-30T19:29:00.000-07:00

Photography

Yesterday ; Mummy throwed pillow at me early in the morning and which it woke me up . Had breakfast at McDonalds (: Then accompanied her to Granny's place at Pasir Ris . Later in the afternoon, went to Niece's school to meet that Secondary 1 Aslina . Her brother was there , but so what ? Like normal , she act fanatic . Called her several times and she pretended not to hear me and walk away . So I go infront of her . She walks the way i really hate it . She talks the way I really hate it . She stares at me up&down and I sure hate it . I hate every move she makes . Talked to her and she dares raising her voice at me , so i fucking screamed back at her face . There she went , quiet and about to cry. She's afraid to admit her fault . She said she 'ACCIDENTALLY' scold my mum . She said it wasn't her on friendster . She said she didn't start this shit first . She said Dia Budak Teck Whye . OhMyGod , what crap siaaa all this meREPekzxzxzxzx! So I asked her to call her memberzxzxzxzx down. There she went quiet again . I can't stand her and rude-ness . So i slapped her fucking face . I told her that this shit has ended :D So she cried more . Take care .

So i can't believe i'm acting this way. I'm not whatever fanatic mother-fucker. EW , i hate myself ! But a person like that need some _____ (; Especially when she's that young .

In memories of us ; Canberra Park . 30th October 2008- 31st October 2008.
Y Was damn bored last night. Eventually Bby msged me in the middle of the night and ask me if I wants to meet . So I thought it would be a great moment because he is always busy with work and we seldom meet . He came all the way down to my place . So much for a belated 7th month Anniversary! (: Gave him the little note I wrote and a pathetic hand-made flower . Hahaha . But then , I could see and feel through his eyes that he have problems . I don't know , maybe it's just my feelings. But last night , I wasn't that hyper. I felt happy and angry through every touch . This keeps repeating and i don't understand myself . I was about to cry because I know I actually couldn't accept the truth . I f hold my tears and pretended everything was okay . Reached home at 1am in the morning . Bby , i'm tired of living this way . It's painful . I Love you .

2008-10-29T06:13:00.000-07:00

PHOTOGRAPHY

Yesterday . Went Bedok fucking early in the morning to meet up a Secondary 1 kid who nak-step-fanatic . Waited outside her school that was PinYi Sec . Eventually she didn't turn up ! WhatTheFuckkk . Reason was busy . Probably going there again tomorrow .I didn't believe I act this way but it was all because she was damn rude . Later at night , went Safra and planned to play Bowling and Pool with my sister and niece . Then, there's a competition going on and we can only play bowling after 11.30pm . It would be late plus my sister and niece may not catch the last train back to Bedok. So , played Pool instead . Played 3 games and I only won the last game . Then , slacked with work friends before home . Reached home at about 11.50pm because i've promised Kiwi to be back by 12am . Good Fyna :D

Today , went Siva's place with Girlfriends from School because she invited us for Deepavali . Everyone came except for Emma . Aww , I miss you so much . Then went Safra to play Pool again . Hahaha . Dian didn't come along because she have to follow her mum. Amira didn't play Pool with us . She sat one corner and play PSP instead . I and Sabby ended the game because Kamaria left the game half way . Today was fun :D

*I HATE THAT BURNT-BITCH WHO OWES TWO FACES, TALKING ABOUT ALMOST ALL OF HER OWN FRIENDS THEN ACT 'GEREK' IN FRONT OF THEM :D I'm not that stupid as you think I am . I know and I could see well . I hope you stop your shit because I fucking wish one day you realised that person like you don't actually owns many friends . Please be a good person and please stop talking about others with me , and talks about me with her , and talks about others with others . You don't have to be jealoused of me because i'm nothing special . It's only you that have to step a little further from where you are standing heavy , and explore more. Maybe that's why you started talking. I can't believe that i've only realised how bad-hearted you are . I'm sorry i'm nt stating any names here and I don't want to tell others that you are that kind . I believe you now who you are because you should . I don't quite hate you , maybe yet , because I appreciate you for being there for me at times and you're still my friend :D

Y Happy 7th Months Bby ! :D I Love You & You will always be a part of me . I cried today because I neither get your kisses nor hugs . I understand that you have to work and you couldn't spare a moment for me . Thats the only reason you kept me missing you . I don't mind about her . Bby , I'm still here holding strong to your promises and I shall wait . Well , I wish I could. Bby , I fucking Miss You . ~Mwahs!

2008-10-26T23:03:00.000-07:00

PHOTOGRAPHY ; Sherin .

last night , I went to a place i'm not supposed to . and I did something i'm really not supposed to . Damn it , what's happening to me . and if ever Bby knew about it , he's really gonna beat the shit out of me. I'm dissapointed in my own self ):

Y Bby , i'm all about you . I don't care anymore , I'm all yours . I hope you know this hurts , it really do . I Miss You again .

2 days to 7th months (:

2008-10-25T11:00:00.000-07:00

Photography (:

School has ended , yeays ! (: But , school is calling me back . Remedials . Peoples are asking me back to work . Lazyyy plus Can't . Was supposed to meet Fiee Baby today to hit the Town. & also to watch Syarul Ezuan's Dance competition at Cineleisure. But I canceled everything to meet Bby. I'm really sorry Fiee ! I hope you're not mad at all. Bby has always been working and i can't meet him. So i thought today would be the day . Again Fiee, I'm sorry (: Alright , God damn lazyyy to update. No one bothers to visit and tag anyway :D

In memory of us ; 25th October 2008 . Sembawang Park .
Y I'm not supposed to be with Him . But still , I can't help myself . I'm too in love . I know just about everything . I don't understand why I accept him still ): Bby , You're Forever A Part Of Me . 5 more months & it's Our 1 year ! :D I hope we could make it through , holding strong . Together with her ... ( ': I accept them all because you came and change my life now .

"You boleh terime ke anak I "